5 Things To Know About Forgiveness by Carolyn Henderson l Forgiveness and Faith l How to Forgive l Forgiving Others

Forgiveness isn’t Quick

Galatians 6:1 tells us: “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.”

It takes time for a person repenting of a sin to change; and it takes time for the person against whom he has sinned to work through the matter. The process of “restoring someone gently” is just that — a process — and it may take days, weeks, and sometimes years to finish it.

Forgiveness is an essential part of any healthy relationship. If there are two people, forgiveness, at some time, will be called upon.There are people in all our lives who did damage years ago — damage so significant that it caused scars — and the wound repairs slowly, but it does have the potential to repair. Forgiveness is the act of not picking at the scab.

Forgiveness is not Always Accompanied by Positive, Glowing Feelings

“Do not hate your brother in your heart,” Leviticus 19:17 commands. “Rebuke your neighbor frankly so that you will not share in his guilt.”

When someone hurts us, there’s nothing wrong with standing up and telling them so (this is honesty; not bitterness). Afterwards, part of the process of forgiveness is releasing the angry feelings — which are often entirely justifiable — so that we don’t become ugly and foul within our soul.

It’s important to note that there is a distinct difference between absence of negative feelings and the presence of positive ones — success with Part A does not ensure instant success with Part B, and indeed, with some people, the best way we can love them is to consciously agree to not hate them.
It’s not perfect, but it’s a start.

Forgiveness is a Process, Not a One-Time Thing

The apostle Peter, always one of my favorites because he’s so refreshingly honest, once asked Jesus: “‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.'” (Matthew 18:21-22)

Obviously, Peter thought that seven times was fairly generous, but Jesus – whose ways are not our ways — has a different idea.

While this passage implies that we are forgiving multiple sins from the same person, forgiving seventy-seven times may also mean that we are returning to the forgiveness of the same initial sin, multiple times, because we just can’t give up our feelings of bitterness toward this person.

Forgiveness Takes Practice, and We Get Lots of It

The story of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32) revolves around a father whose love for his child is so strong, it eclipses the pain that his son caused. In our own lives, we are given family and friends who mean so much to us, we forgive because we know that holding in the grudge, and nursing the hate, will destroy the relationship.

The very feelings of love enable us to do something that intellectually seems impossible, and while it’s difficult to generate these feelings for strangers, the very act of forgiving our own shows us what it looks like, and makes it easier (but not easy!) to do with others to whom we are less close.

Ultimately, Christ is our example, and we forgive, because He first forgave us (Ephesians 4:32). As in all things where we seek to imitate God, we don’t do it on our own, but under His guidance, and patient teaching. And, Thank God, He’s patient.