The Sexy Spirit

Gina Ogden peeked into America's bedrooms and found lots of...spirituality going on.

Continued from page 2

If I am the man, I have to take charge because that's what men are supposed to do. If I'm the woman, there's a lot of baggage in our culture that goes along with marriage that says that men are supposed to be on top. I call it the "cultural missionary position," where it's not ok for women to be equal anymore. Women somehow have less say. So couples can get scared that this is going to be the setup, that things are going to change. In preparing for marriage, again I say that you may need to get beyond the cultural norm that says men are bigger, better, stronger than women, and that women really don't want sex, women are "the weaker sex," we're not equal.

What about couples who have saved themselves for marriage?

I would say, go gentle into that good night. Be very gentle with one another, because there is so much loaded on you about sexual function, sexual dysfunction, who does what to whom, and what is appropriate, and how many orgasms you're supposed to have. I would say, allow yourself to love each other, and allow the love to come out physically and emotionally, and spiritually as well. Let each other know how much this means to you, and don't look for the benchmarks of sexual success like perfect intercourse, perfect orgasm, and above all, know that sex is much more than intercourse or orgasm or procreation. It's about your body, mind, heart, and soul—you're in it for a long life together, and that is part of the spirituality of it, your commitment.

How do you interpret studies that show that sexual dysfunction is high in society in different forms?
Open Your Heart & Mind to Pleasure


There have indeed been studies done, all of them have been done on a very limited notion of what sex is. These studies that say, for instance, that almost half of women are dysfunctional, in other words that we don't want sex, we're not interested in sex, and we don't do it well, we're not satisfied even when we do—these are based on just a few questions about successful intercourse, how many times you come to orgasm, how many times you have intercourse a week—in other words, what the researchers can count and measure. But if you think about your sexuality in terms of feelings, thoughts, and what it means to you, sex is a whole lot more than we can count or measure.

What is the "ISIS wheel," and how does it help couples?
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Interview by Holly Lebowitz Rossi
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