Forget about Sun Signs. In astrology, the Sun represents the Ego, and although it is impossible to be in a relationship without each of you bringing one of those to the table, an Ego is by definition always at least partly incompatible with another Ego. Nonetheless, despite all the warnings, people continue to relate to other people. Fortunately, astrology provides the means by which to understand how other others function and how to address problems when they arise. It’s all a matter of communication, in whatever form that may take… and when we talk about “communication” in its most literal and obvious sense, we’re talking about Mercury.

Mercury rules words and logic. Regardless of the other factors involved in your personality, Mercury is the part of you that forms the words you say and plays along at home while watching Jeopardy. No matter what it is you want to talk about, Mercury is the conduit for it… and it’s The Other Guy’s Mercury that has to process the signal. How the other person’s Mercury is placed affects how they communicate, and how your placements affect the other person’s Mercury affects specifically how you come across,

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I have a couple of good friends who are in a successful long-term relationship which makes for an excellent illustration of this principle.  Their respective Suns and Moons all work nicely with each other, so as far as “basic compatibility” goes, they’re doing great. They both have well-aspected Mercurys (and both work at jobs where communication is a critical skill), so they have no problem talking and expressing themselves.

The problem is when the spiders come in.

You see, one of the people in this relationship has a phobia about arachnids. Not just a garden-variety dislike, but an actual medical-grade terror. It took her partner some years to learn not only to not use The S Word, but in fact to avoid discussing anything related to it: superheroes named after one, African folkloric figures who take the form of one, a certain variety of vein that appears on the skin, and certain related concepts like webs, crawling, and (just to be safe) cider and Liev Schrieber.

It took him a while to learn this, but he did, and the two are quite happy together, especially since he learned that if one of those eight-legged whatchamacallits is in the tub, he just has to get rid of it without mentioning it to anyone. Ever.

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Learning the Sign placement of your partner’s Mercury, the aspects to it, and how to deal with it is one of the most important things one can do when it comes to applying astrology to a successful relationship. Because, after all, now that we’re together, what are we going to talk about? And why do you keep screaming every time I mention my collection of Spider-Man action figures? Are you being deliberately unreasonable? Do you hate  popular culture? Do you hate me? I think we’ve all been there.

It’s a shame personal arguments can’t be run more like a structured debate, with timed opening statements, counter-statements, questions from the audience, and a summary statement or two. No, come to think of it — audience participation rarely makes things better when couples disagree (I’m looking at you, Facebook and Twitter!). Although one must consider the entire person into account, here are some handy tips on how to handle your partner’s Mercury when an argument breaks out. Remember: stay calm, remember you care about one another, and be prepared to duck.

Mercury in Aries: Keep it quick, get to the point, and don’t get frustrated when the other person glosses over some details.
Mercury in Taurus: Consider your point before you make it. Try not to sound like you’re on the attack.
Mercury in Gemini: Prepare to be scattered with supporting facts and anecdotes. Do your best to stick to the subject.
Mercury in Cancer: Try not let things devolve into a personal attack. Be prepared for the last three arguments to be brought up again, even if those already got resolved.
Mercury in Leo: Things are likely be painted in broad, loud strokes. Don’t be distracted by hyperbole or emotionalism.
Mercury in Virgo: Be prepared to present supporting evidence, and to have your past offenses read into the record too.
Mercury in Libra: Remember that there’s no reason that an argument between two people can’t ultimately be turned into a “win” for both of them.
Mercury in Scorpio: Stay focused on the matter at hand, and avoid personalizing things that should be kept purely logical.
Mercury in Sagittarius: Prepare for a long story or an analogy, and take the time to hear what’s really being said.
Mercury in Capricorn: Keep it to the point, and try to address issues in small and easily managed chunks.
Mercury in Aquarius: Avoid saying anything mean-spirited or unnecessarily provocative. Brace yourself for some unintentional insults.
Mercury in Pisces: Try to establish the tone of the conversation before a fight breaks out and everyone gets hurt.

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And finally: whether it’s actually “spiders” or not, everyone has something or other that they are perhaps over-sensitive about. Please, don’t mention the spiders.

(For more bug-free info on The Astrology of Love and Compatibility, click HERE)