(We now go live to a press conference being held by Jupiter)
Dear people of Earth:
It is with a heavy heart that I stand before you today. I had originally hoped I would be discussing the upcoming December film releases, many of which are excellent. Unfortunately recent events in the news have forced me to address the upsetting matter of sexual harassment in the entertainment industry.
There have been numerous rumors that I am responsible for this. That is simply not true and I categorically deny it. Scorpio has an innate association with sex, that is true. I have an association with the concept of justice. That is also true. However I feel I am being unfairly blamed because I am part of a larger system. Specifically, the Solar System.
Allow me to explain. First of all, among the many things I rule is Good Times. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable. Sexual harassment is only enjoyable to the harasser, and perhaps not even then in all cases. It is a terrible violation of the victim. That sort of thing is simply not my style, thank you very much. Nonetheless, I will be seeking out spiritual guidance by forming a trine with Neptune over the course of the next three months.
Sexual harassment and sexual assault are, of course, sexual matters. Although I may be (in part) responsible for bringing all this mess to light, it is unfair to blame sexual harassment on my being in Scorpio. I am not at fault. Scorpio is not at fault. Sexual harassment and sexual assault are first and foremost terrible abuses of power. It is the result of the more powerful exploiting the less powerful. It is an affront to my sense of justice and fair play that my being in Scorpio is being blamed for the news you are hearing. This crap has been going on for a long time now — whether you wanted to notice it or not. And it’s not just in the entertainment industry and/or politics where this is happening. It’s everywhere. If you don’t think this sort of thing is happening just as much at investment companies and hardware stores and hospitals and warehouses, you haven’t paid attention to human nature.
In conclusion, sexual harassment and sexual assault are abuses of power and thus I really don’t have much to do with everything you’ve heard about it on the news lately. “Abuse of power” is a Pluto thing, and Capricorn is all about “power structures.” Thus, if you want to blame anyone for not being able to see your favorite celebrities the same way again, blame Pluto in Capricorn.
Thank you for your time, and please address any questions about this to my Law Firm.
(Update: Pluto in Capricorn has announced that it will be suing Jupiter in Scorpio. Opening arguments take place in front of Saturn in Sagittarius starting next week.)
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