Hi, I’m Vince for Pisces! You’ll be saying “wow” every time you get involved with one! It’s like a chamois! It’s like a towel! It’s like a sponge! Most people just can’t soak up this much raw sentiment and guilt! Pisces holds twenty times its weight in tears.

Look at this! (wrings Pisces out over a bucket labelled “Emotional Trauma”) Holy cow, can Pisces ever take it!

Why would you want to work twice as hard, emotionally, with anything else? You have issues? Pisces will soak ‘em up for you. You can make it feel like it’s all Pisces’ fault, and Pisces wrings out good as new! (Bashes Pisces flat against the counter-top) Look at that! Completely dry and ready for more of the same!

Here’s some cola, anger, wine, infidelity, coffee, accusations, and pet stains. Whatever you bring home, Pisces will mop it up and come back for more. Take a Pisces home with you tonight! Marry one! Better yet: get one for your home, and keep one the side at the office. They’ll both blame themselves for your bad behavior! You following me, camera guy? No other sign’s gonna put up with your crap quite like that! Look! I just blamed my drug habit on Pisces… and Pisces takes it! And look, Pisces is still empathizing! It acts like a vacuum! And yet Pisces still thinks I’m cute! See what I’m telling ya?*

Pisces! You’ll be saying: make mine Fishy!

***

*WARNING: Performance varies based on Mars placement. May be toxic depending on Ascendant. Basing product performance based on Sun Sign placement is potentially hazardous.

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