10 Spiritual Truths About Loss and Healing

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Love is powerful. No wonder loss hurts so much.

Created in the image of God, we're wired for connection. We seek to love and be loved. Fundamentally, life is about relationships.

When someone we care about dies or leaves, our hearts are shaken. What happened? Where did they go? They were just here. How can this be?

Strong emotions surface from deep within us. Shock. Sadness. Anger. Fear. Anxiety. Confusion. Depression. We’re stunned by the stark realization that anything can happen to anyone at any time. The question isn’t if we’re going to get hit with loss, but what, who, how, and when.

How we grieve greatly impacts how we live. Strange as it may sound, we must get good at grieving. Grieving in spiritually healthy ways is one powerful means of expressing love for God, ourselves, and others.

Solomon wrote, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Prov. 4:23). It's a tough world, full of potential and real spiritual dangers. Our hearts are resilient, but fragile. We guard our hearts so that we can live with faith and courage amid all the pain, suffering, and loss that surrounds us. We can not only survive, but heal, recover, grow, and use our grief to make a massive difference in this hurting and broken world.

Jesus tells us, “In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). What does it mean to “take heart” while enduring a painful loss?

If we going to navigate the grief journey well, there are ten essential spiritual truths we must remember.

It's okay to grieve.

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Loss hurts. Separation from someone we love is painful, even traumatic. We're stunned and shaken.

The world blazes on as if nothing happened. People may not be as supportive and understanding as we had hoped. Insensitive and unhelpful things are said. Friends and family can distance themselves or disappear altogether.

It seems that only smiles, laughter, and calm demeanors are acceptable in public. Sad faces don't tend to get compassionate reactions, but rather "what's-wrong-with-you?" stares.

We don't know what to do with our grief, so we stuff it. We suffer in silence. We smile, say, "I'm fine," and do the best we can to get through the present moment without attracting too much negative attention.

The message the world sends us is clear: "It's not acceptable to hurt."

And yet, we do. All of us grieve. Some of us are desperate.

Yes, it’s okay to grieve. Grief is a natural response to a loss.

If we love, we will grieve.

After his massive losses, Job said, "My eyes have grown dim with grief; my whole frame is but a shadow (Job 17:7)." Job’s pain was so great, he sensed he was fading away. He felt more like a shadow than a man.

In Psalm 31, King David said, "My eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief." David’s entire being - soul and body – was racked by the devastating exhaustion of heavy loss. Sorrow had overtaken him, and in his pain he cried out to God.

People may tell us we need to move on, but the truth is that we never get over a person. We weren't meant to. When someone departs, they leave a hole in our hearts. When life rubs up against that hole, it hurts.

We love, and so we grieve. Accepting this is a huge step toward healing and recovery.

The grief journey is emotional.

When we suffer loss, we begin to experience powerful feelings. Sadness, frustration, anxiety, anger, shock, fear, numbness, depression, apathy, and confusion are common grief emotions. These feelings surge up and can hijack our hearts and minds in an instant, leaving us stunned and overwhelmed.

It's as if we've been thrust onto a roller-coaster in the dark. We're strapped in, hurtling forward to who knows where. Sudden ups, down, twists, and turns come with breathtaking speed and violence. The emotional bumps and bruises begin to mount.

What’s happening to us? How long is this going to last? Will we ever feel better again? How do we do this? What's next? Are we going crazy?

Life is not the same. We are not the same. The sadness, anger, anxiety, fear, and all the rest can leave us exhausted and breathless.

Grief is an emotional process.

Jesus experiences our pain with us.

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Though it may not seem like it, emotions are a gift from God. He is an emotional being and we are created in His image. Feelings are meant to be felt, but they are not necessarily meant to drive our lives.

In John 11, Jesus headed to Bethany to raise His friend Lazarus from the dead. When He arrived, Lazarus had been dead for four days and the mourning was in full swing. As Jesus entered the grieving crowd, He wept.

Why?

He experienced the grief, intense sadness, and emotional pain of those around Him. He knew their hearts and felt what they felt.

Jesus feels what we feel. He walks alongside us in our grief valley. He experiences our pain and suffering with us. He is the most compassionate and best grief companion imaginable. He rides our roller-coaster with us.

Jesus knows us. He feels our pain.

Grief is a lonely process.

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Every person is of priceless, eternal value. Each one of us is unique in human history. There has never been anyone exactly like us, and there never will be again.

This means that every relationship is also unique. There has never been a relationship exactly like the one we had with our loved one. Our relationships are profoundly meaningful and special. This also makes our grief incredibly lonely.

No one can truly say that they know how we feel. They are not us. It was not their loss or their relationship.

Yes, others can be compassionate and sympathetic. If they've been through a similar loss, they can even empathize. But they can't feel what we feel. They are not inside our hearts and cannot experience our pain exactly as we do.

Our grief is our own. That's special, and lonely. Thankfully, even though we might be lonely, we’re far from alone.

Jesus shares our loneliness.

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Jesus knows all about loneliness.

Jesus was different. There was no one else like Him, the one and only Son of God. No one quite understood Him. He was continually watched, evaluated, and critiqued. He was plotted against, falsely accused, abused, tortured, and murdered. He hung on the cross, alone and rejected. No wonder Isaiah describes Him as a "man of sorrows" and "one well acquainted with grief” (Isaiah 53:3).

Jesus knows the loneliness of grief. He understands. He gets it.

When we're misunderstood, critiqued, and even rejected, we're in good company. Jesus shares our loneliness. He is with us in the thick of it. This too makes our grief special. This can be an intimate time of experiencing more of our Savior. Ultimately, grief and loss - like every other part of life - are about walking with Jesus.

No one else quite gets it, but Jesus does. He feels and shares our loneliness.

Guilt is not our friend.

Guilt is common in grief. "What if..." "If only..."

It's natural that we contemplate these things. Our hearts are trying to make sense of something painful and tragic. Guilt comes knocking.

Yes, we could have done this or that better. Yes, we blew it here or there. Perhaps some of our guilt is legitimate. Most guilt, however, is murky, non-specific, and difficult to pin down. It becomes a general malaise strewn with the consistent message, "It's my fault."

Guilt is not our friend. It accomplishes nothing. It keeps us spinning in circles and punishing ourselves. Guilt keeps us stuck.

The antidote for guilt is forgiveness.

Some of us need to forgive others. Some need to forgive the one who departed for their part in all this. Most of us need to forgive ourselves, which is often a difficult task.

To heal, we must send guilt packing.

Forgiveness is key to healing.

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After his betrayal of Jesus, Judas was seized with remorse. He confessed his error to the religious elite, returned the blood money he received, then committed suicide.

The same evening, Peter denied three times that he knew Jesus. Peter too was seized with remorse. He received God’s forgiveness, forgave himself, and followed Jesus faithfully the remainder of his life.

We can confess what we feel responsible for and release ourselves, or we can let guilt punish and even destroy us. Loss is painful enough. We don't need the ball-and-chain of guilt too.

It's not what we did or didn't do that matters most now, but what we do next. We confess, forgive, and release – again and again, as many times as necessary.

Some of us are angry with God. We can be honest with Him. He can handle it. He loves us and longs for us to share ourselves with Him.

Forgiveness is key to healing from loss.

Grief can be used for good.

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We are new creations. We are in Christ, and He is in us. He wants to use our losses for good. He can teach us to use our grief as fuel to live even more meaningful and purposeful lives.

We're different now. We have a new perspective about death, life, and personal pain. We’re now wonderful candidates to walk alongside others who are hurting and grieving. We understand. We get it.

Other wounded people need us. We can’t afford to sit on our grief and let it consume us. Instead, we can ask the Lord to put our pain to work. If we’re willing, He can make us safer, more compassionate people. We can become the listening ear others are longing for. We can meet others where they are and walk with them in their pain.

In God’s hands, our grief can be used for great good.

God can use us, even when we’re hurting.

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The Apostle Paul said, “Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope” (1 Thess. 4:13). We mourn differently because we have a different perspective. We know this life is not all there is. We grieve with a sense of certainty about the future.

What happened is important, but how we interpret and respond to what happened is what makes all the difference now. We can respond in despair and hopelessness, or we can respond in faith and hope. We can grieve in healthy ways that honor our loved ones and express love for those around us.

Christ can use us and live through us, even though we’re hurting. We can become kinder, more compassionate, and more loving people.