9 Ways to Truly Support Your Partner by Margarita Tartakovsky l How to be a Good Spouse l Marriage Advice l Marital Tips l Marital Advice l Advice on Being a Good Wife l Advice on Being a Good Husband l Tips for a Happy Marriage

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Our partners don’t just need support when bad things happen. They need support every day, according to Christina Steinorth-Powell, MFT, a psychotherapist and relationship expert in Santa Barbara, Calif. Because when support is absent even for the little things, a partner might believe their significant other “just doesn't care,” she said. Supporting our partners cultivates a deeper connection.

Plus, "our partners always deserve our support,” said psychotherapist Joyce Marter, LCPC. Support is especially important during times of transition, such as a new job; developmental change, such as the birth of a child; and grief and loss, such as the anniversary of a loved one’s passing, she said. Here are nine ways you can support your partner during these times and on a regular basis.

Support Their Feelings

Sometimes, in order to alleviate our partner’s discomfort or negative feelings, we might say, “Don’t be mad,” or “You shouldn’t be upset about that,” Marter said. But this tells your partner that their feelings are irrational or unnecessary, she said. Which “may be invalidating and infuriating for them.”

Instead, Marter stressed the importance of understanding that your partner’s feelings and emotional experiences are normal responses for their unique nature and nurture. In other words, they’re normal based on your partner’s DNA, biochemistry and previous life experiences, she said. “Feelings simply are what they are and deserve to be honored and validated via empathy and kindness.”

Be Proud of Them

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Make sure your partner knows that you’re proud of their accomplishments, said Steinorth-Powell. “There's nothing quite as deflating as reaching a goal and being excited about it only to share it with your partner and have your happiness met with indifference, or worse yet, criticism, [such as] (insert accomplishment) anyone can do that.”

Marter suggested reflecting “back to [your partner] all the beauty, gifts and strengths you see in them.” She shared these examples: "The way your face lights up when you smile warms my heart,” and “You always work hard and give your best. I have tremendous respect for you." The more detailed and specific you are, the better, she said.

“These words of affirmation will lift their spirit, sense of self, and connection to you because they will know that through your love for them you see them as their highest and greatest self,” Marter said.