Is Satan Keeping You Single?

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The devil hates everything that brings glory to God. His goal is to keep people from Christ (2 Corinthians 4:4). If he fails there, his next goal is to keep Christians from glorifying Christ and spreading the Good News to the world. Since marriage brings glory to God and it is a witness to the world about the relationship between Christ and His church (Ephesians 5:21-33), Satan hates it. One of the best ways to ruin godly marriages is to prevent them from starting at all.

While I don’t believe it would be wise or biblical to always blame Satan for unwanted singleness, I do believe spiritual warfare is a category to at least consider. Singleness is ultimately a gift from God (1 Corinthians 7:7), but if your singleness is being caused by your sin as you fall to Satan’s temptation, this is not what God desires for you.

Here are three signs to look for to make sure Satan is not hindering you from entering into a godly relationship.

Do you feel shame and condemnation?

Satan cannot make you do anything. He does not control Christians. So rather than try to overpower us, he works in more subtle ways. The devil’s first goal is to get you to sin. He does this by tempting us to act on the desires of the flesh which are often incited by the world around us.

Once we fall to temptation, the attack is not done. The devil knows Christ came to redeem us from every sin – past, present, and future (Hebrews 10:10). While a Christian is always covered with the blood of Jesus, our experience of Christ’s purifying work will be hindered if we do not choose to embrace His gospel constantly.

The devil’s desire is to tempt us to sin and then to shame us for sinning. He not only wants us to be tripped by temptation, he wants us to stay on the ground under the weight of feeling condemned for that sin. But as Christians we must never feel condemned. The Holy Spirit brings a conviction which leads to a repentance (2 Corinthians 7:10), but God never condemns those whom He has set free in Christ, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1).

So how does this relate to your unwanted singleness? When Satan can get you to live under the shame of your past rather than the purity of Christ, this will drastically impact your relationships. You will either date people you feel are as bad as you or you will stay single because you think no one would accept you for what you’ve done.

Satan especially loves to use shame regarding past sexual sin. He will tell you that you are damaged goods, that no one could love you because of what you’ve done in your past. If you live under this lie, this will keep you single or it will cause you to date low caliber people.

You must reject what Satan says and embrace what the word of God says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

Do you have an unhealthy fear of being hurt?

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Another attack Satan tries to use against Christians to keep them from Christ honoring relationships is a fear of being hurt. It is right for Christians to protect themselves from relationship dangers and noncommittal suitors, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life” (Proverbs 4:23).

Problems occur when we move from guarding our hearts to walling our hearts off from people so we can never possibly be hurt by them. Ironically, if we try to guard ourselves too much we hurt ourselves in the process because we will be hindering our chances of building meaningful relationships.

To love and be loved you must be vulnerable and open. But when you are vulnerable and open you not only expose yourself to the possibility of love but also to being hurt. Satan tries to get us to be unbalanced in this area. He uses the fear of being hurt to keep us away from godly relationships.

This attack by Satan is especially effective on those of us coming from divorced homes or who have experienced betrayal in the past. When we get hurt, we must guard against Satan’s lies, “Never open yourself up to love again. Everyone will stab you in the back eventually. The only solution is to not need anyone.”

The true solution to a fear of being hurt is to be rooted in God. When God is the ultimate source of your love and comfort, you are able to risk being hurt as you love people. While it might sting if a relationship ends badly, it doesn’t have to be devastating. When you give yourself completely to someone, this is when you can be completely devastated if you are betrayed. But you shouldn’t elevate any relationship that high accept your relationship with Christ.

Are you overzealous for a relationship?

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Another way Satan will ruin a godly marriage before it even begins is to tempt you to idolize relationships. Idolizing the idea of a relationship will actually hinder one from beginning at all. God does not bless His children with idols. He won’t give you something that He knows will take His place in your heart.

Secondly, when you have an overzealousness to be with someone, potential partners will sense this and will feel the pressure you are placing on them. Most people know they can’t fill you the way you are asking them to when God is not first in your heart, therefore they will stay away from you because they know they can’t live up to the pressure you are placing on them.

When you want a relationship too badly, you will start acting nervous, desperate, and weird around the opposite sex. If you are uncomfortable, you will be making other people feel uncomfortable around you.

Satan is a relationship expert. He knows the deadly affects an overzealousness for a relationship will have on you. Again, God, as always, is the true solution. Only when we have our deepest needs met in him will we be free to want a relationship without being overzealous.

Be alert, not scared

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Again, I don’t believe you should immediately blame Satan for your unwanted singleness. Singleness is actually a gift from God. However, since marriage glorifies God so much, we can be assured that the devil will do all he can to prevent godly marriages from forming.

So obey what God has said, “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8). Don’t blame Satan for everything, but remember that spiritual warfare is a category to consider and defend against. “Be alert” and pray that God would teach you to do everything you can to receive the blessings He desires to give you.