Part 2

The number of people with anxiety has exploded over the last decade or so. What was a once a challenge for some has elevated to a disability for many. Through my practice, I noticed better diet, more sleep, supplements, therapy and exercise improved symptoms, but no combination of these helped enough. No matter how many vitamins my patients took or therapists they saw, the world remained an unpredictable, fear-producing place. Their state of mind too vulnerable, with something always waiting to throw them off.

I looked at myself. Though I am not anxious, I was not particularly content either. How I felt was too dependent on what was going on in my life. If the kids were in a good place, the bills were paid and things were going the way I thought they ‘should’, I was ‘happy’. While I felt more secure professionally, in my personal life I needed external reinforcement. My childhood was a bit tough, but whose wasn’t? I had long ago stopped blaming my parents for my problems. While appreciating I was luckier than most, I was still too easily unsettled by the difficulties of life.  My contentment was wobbly just like my patients.

Happiness needed to be based in something that was stable, true and lasted forever.  That wasn’t health, caring family and friends or even a calling. These things are desirable, wonderful and help, a lot. They are supposed to be enough, but they were not fixing the yammering in my head. Was I good enough? Helpful enough? Doing what was right? What’s wrong with people? Why do I feel disconnected from others?  What was I even doing here? Some variant of these thoughts took up too much of my mind space.

I decided diet needed to include thoughts. What you feed your mind is just as important, if not more, than what you put in your mouth. My vegetable intake was excellent, but my thoughts were the equivalent of mental Twinkies; addicting and unhealthy. I knew how to help people create a more physically healthy brain and deal with emotions from a biochemical perspective, but could not straighten out my own thoughts. Starting with good health and hoping it would lead to serenity and happiness was not panning out.

Over the course of several decades, I worked hard, determined to learn how to master my own mind and remove obstacles that prevented me from connecting to my true self. My true self is not different than anyone else’s true self. In fact, we are all connected. What connects us is love. That is universal, certain and lasts forever. When I remember I am love, I am happy no matter what is happening.  When I forget, I am grumpy and unsettled.

This blog is the culmination of what I found and am still discovering about how to deal with my mind. Specifically, how to remove the obstacles I create that deep six happiness and obscure our shared true nature.

Post #24