(Unedited) Question submitted via Formspring

“How to deal with someone who beats his parents on a regular basis? His parents tried everything to fix his aggressive character but he doesn’t want to come out of the shell of his own. I somehow feel agitated when I am about to meet him, what to do?”

So, to be clear: this guy beats his parents?

The second line about “he doesn’t want to come out of the shell of his own” is throwing me off slightly, but I believe you are saying he is aggressive and physically violent, and nothing they have done so far has helped.

The simple answer is: don’t deal with him.

Don’t have anything to do with him at all.

A person who has enough anger and hostility built up to be willing to physically lash out at those closest to him is a person who can just as easily lash out at YOU.

“I somehow feel agitated when I am about to meet him” pretty much says it all; deep inside even you know that you aren’t safe around him.  So…don’t be around him.

To go out on a bit of a limb, if this is a situation, like perhaps some sort of arranged marriage…don’t agree to it.  Whatever you are being promised with (or afraid of) is not worth a life time of living with an abuser, or in fear of being abused.  Since, as I said before, that anger will come out just as easily on yourself or your children.

And, if are you in the extremely unfortunate situation of being FORCED to be around this guy, then I’d say do your best to figure out what triggers him, and avoid doing it as much as possible.  Also try to figure out what calms him down when he is raging, so you can be ready to deal with it when it happens.

But under no circumstances should you start thinking you can ‘fix’ him, or ‘change’ him…since you can’t.

The only chance for him to change is if he decides it for himself; but based on what you said earlier he doesn’t seem too interested in it.

So, get away from this guy as fast as possible and get as far away from him as possible….and God forbid he has already put his hands on you, you can find out how to deal with that here.

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

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B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

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