Question submitted via Formspring:
“I’m dating a man who is wonderful, except he is not as physically fit as I would love him to be.
How should I go about having him get in better shape, or should I just leave him for someone similar, but more fit?”

We have talked about how to find the right person, how to understand men, and how to understand women already, so this is a very important thing for us to talk about!

So part of the process that we’ve talked about before now, is figuring out what you want, and figuring out what you don’t want.  Keep in mind the old 80/20 rule (in this case, don’t lose someone who is 80% of perfect to chase the 20% they are missing); so if he really is that wonderful, then yes it’s worth sticking with to help him change.  If he is not that wonderful, or you already know you have no long term future together, then yes you can save you both some time by moving on now.

Now if this somehow seems shallow, or insensitive, let me help clear it up:   what is the #1 difference between a boyfriend or girlfriend and a close friend?

ATTRACTION!

If there is no chemistry, no tingle in your naughty bits, then you aren’t going to last.  I’ve have known many people that tried to force a relationship with someone they weren’t physically attracted to, and it never works over the long term.   Better to dissolve it and stay friends, while finding that fulfillment somewhere else.

Now, if you DO decide he is worth the trouble, the #1 way to get him moving is by example.  Remember, I shared in the article/video on men that our egos are very easily manipulated; squeeze his arm and ask him if he is working out…you’ll see him puff his chest out and start flexing!

Or, suggest you do things together that make you get out and get active; walks in the park, bike rides, swimming, even flag football are all good choices.  When you eat, choose healthier restaurants; try to steer him away from a pitcher of beer, have red wine instead.

Tell him that you are trying to get into better shape so you can be sexier for him, and ask him to help you; he’ll be glad to get up early and run and eat salad for dinner when he sees what’s in it for him.  Add to that you making a big deal when those muscles start to show, and how cute his butt looks in his jeans, and he’ll be working out like Mr. Olympia in no time.

One VERY important thing to point out, though: guys, if you want your ladies to lose a couple of pounds, this is not how to go about making that happen; that is a whole other can of worms.  If you want to know how to make it happen, shoot me a question on Formspring!

What do you think they should do? Feel free to comment down below!

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B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

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