Question submitted via Formspring:
“I was watching your video clip ‘Tainted love’ & EVERYTHING you were speaking of is me.
I am in a relationship with a man who cheats, lies & really is a hypocrite. But still I stay.
I recently figured out that ‘love’ is not enough. I totally agree with you.
I tried to tell him that his response was ‘love conquers all’ I disagree. I’ve even gotten to the point of telling him not to love me anymore but to just CARE about me & how his bull makes me feel.
My question to you is: I know he’s no good, I know I could never trust him, I know when I look at him & we are speaking to each other I’m questioning every sentence…why am I afraid to leave? Why do I feel bad for this ‘man’? Why do I feel if I let go I’m going to miss out on something? I honestly think I’m going crazy.”

Well, there is good news, and there is bad news:
The good news is, you aren’t going crazy. The bad news is you are going sane in a crazy situation!
Let’s review:
1. You can never trust him (a problem)
2. When you talk, you are questioning everything (no communication == no relationship)
3. He is ‘no good’ and has shown no real interest in changing.

If you look at it from his perspective, why *should* he change? So far, he does whatever he wants and you accept it; so what’s his motivation to stop?

So, to answer your question as to why you are afraid to leave: the answer is simple, but it’s not easy.
The reason why you are afraid to leave is that *you don’t really believe you deserve better*.

Something inside of you has chosen that you deserve to be treated this way, or at least don’t really deserve to be treated better.

Look back at your past relationships is this a pattern that has repeated? Choosing bad guys, and / or driving the ‘good’ guys away…maybe because they were “too nice”?

Maybe when you were growing up your dad, or another important male in your life treated you or even your mother this way-or wasn’t around at all-and you learned at an early age that this sort of neglect and disrespect is what ‘love’ looked like, and you’ve been playing it out ever since.

Unfortunately, even though being able to see this pattern means you can change it, it doesn’t mean it is going to be easy. In fact, it’s probably going to be hard as hell!
You have a lifetime’s worth of living into this self-image, and it will take time to start to truly love yourself and realize you don’t have to put up with this sort of treatment.

At some point, you’ll have to decide enough is enough and leave. You’ll be sad, but don’t go back; you’ll miss him, but don’t go back; he’ll beg and possibly even change a little bit for a little while; but DON’T GO BACK.

Remember, words lie but actions tell the truth. It doesn’t matter what he says, he clearly doesn’t believe you deserve better…do you?

Every moment of love and attention you are giving to him is love and attention you are taking away from yourself.

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

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B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
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