Q&A: I caught him cheating and we broke up; but has he moved on?

(Unedited) Question submitted via Formspring:

“I’ve broke up with my boyfriend for kissing and texting another girl and recently i wanted him back but he said he didn’t want a

relationship. I’ve recently found out that he is meeting up with girls and texting them. Does this mean he’s moved on?”

First, let’s break this one down into pieces:

You caught him cheating.
You broke up with him (the right move).
You wanted him back, for some reason (?).
He doesn’t want a relationship with YOU now.
You have been checking up on him (“I recently found out”).
He is now texting and hooking up with multiple girls.
And now, you are wondering if he has moved on.

Yes.

Yes he has moved on.

A better question is: why do you care anymore?

Since according to what you wrote, he moved on way before you broke up with him!
Consider: you only broke up because you caught *him* cheating, which may have been the first time, or the 100^th time; there is no way to know for sure. Since you broke up, he has continued doing the exact same thing, and he seems unwilling to stop.

And he TOLD you he doesn’t want to stop, aka he doesn’t want a relationship.

So I ask again, why would you be upset by a guy who cheated on you, and by extension you cannot trust who has told you directly he doesn’t want to be together has moved on?

What is it that has made you think so little of yourself that one, you deserve to be treated like this by someone; two, you can’t find any better, and three, you’d actually CHASE such a person?

Not only has he moved on, but in the process he has done you a HUGE favor, by not jerking you around for years, and giving you the opportunity to put some time in working on yourself.

Instead of trying to figure out why he doesn’t love you, use this time to start truly loving yourself, since how much you love yourself is not only the limit of how much you can love someone else, but how much you can let them love you in return.

And as you begin the process of truly loving yourself, you’ll recognize you don’t deserve to be treated like this by anyone…because until you realize that you’ll almost certainly find away to keep attracting cheaters. You’ll also need to learn how to forgive yourself for everything that has happened up until now, and the people who have hurt you up until now…him included. Only then will you have created the space for the type of open, loving relationship you truly deserve.

Because I’m here to tell you: you deserve much, much, better than this.

What do you think ? Feel free to comment down below!

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B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

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