Here is a letter a I wrote to someone close to me, on the day of her wedding.

So, I’ve been married for 13 years now, which is no small feat.  13, or even 10 years from now, your life will be completely different.  You won’t live the same place, you won’t work the same place, you won’t drive the same car, or

watch the same shows. Look back to where your life was 10 years ago, and you’ll see this is true.

You’ll also probably have a few children by then, too!

And yet, in the midst of this, you’ll have to find a way to stay together with your husband and stay in sync when the whole world turns around you both.

Contrary to what we’ve been told, marriage isn’t some lifelong binding contract that you’re just FORCED to endure.  It’s also not some iron clad obligation to God, either; plenty of holy people have grown apart, and gone their separate ways.

So what is marriage, then, and how do you make it work?  Marriage is an agreement between the two of you to choose each other.  7 Billion people walk this Earth, and you choose each other.  And you stay together by *continuing* to choose each other.  You will have good times and bad, ups and downs, and changes the likes of which you can’t even begin to imagine (see the above comment about children for starters!).  And the only, only, ONLY, way to make it through that sane and happy is to make doing so a conscious choice.  To work to make your relationship a conscious effort to keep growing in relation to each other, and always stay in each other’s orbits.

And really, that’s all there is to it.  A conscious willingness to choose each other, to communicate, and to trust, respect, and love each other.  Notice, I put love last on that list, since although it’s vital, there are PLENTY of people who love each other, and are TERRIBLE for each other.  And you can respect someone you don’t trust, but you can’t trust someone that you don’t respect.  Always keep that in mind, and you’ll be all set.

And last, but certainly not least:

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
― Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

I love you; congratulations, and enjoy this day, and all the days to come.

You are great, and I love you!
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B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

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