We have been duped by Hollywood and our own sense of incompleteness into believing that somewhere there is one perfect person who is our “other half,” someone who is our perfect complement and will make us feel whole again.

This fantasy is problematic for several reasons. As any of us who have been in dysfunctional relationships knows, two incomplete people coming together do not form one perfect whole. The goal is to become complete in oneself, to learn and grow and evolve into a fully actualized being. In order for that to happen we often need certain experiences which will teach us and put us in touch with various aspects of ourselves. Some of us do this through our work, some through family, some through romantic relationships.

Compatibility is rarely a factor in attraction, because it doesn’t create that attractive spark. We are more likely to be attracted to mates who stimulate us because they are different, who open doorways into worlds that are new to us. Perfect compatibility is boring – it’s sitting on the sofa watching tv for the rest of our lives. Few of us are really looking for this kind of relationship.

The arena(s) in which we will do most of our soul growth is/are indicated in the natal astrological chart. A soulmate relationship generally begins with a feeling of fatedness and kinship, which signifies that there will be contact on a soul level. This does not necessarily mean that marriage and a lifetime of perfect harmony will follow, but rather than this relationship will provide lessons and growth experiences for you. It is not unusual for this kind of relationship to fall away once the lessons have been learned so that the individual can move on to the next level.

Compatibility analysis using astrological symbolism can identify areas of tension and ease between two people, and identify areas of compatibility and the source of challenges that the couple are likely to encounter. It can also offer solutions to aid in resolving longstanding conflicts. But the real question for me is not “are these two compatible?” Instead my question is: Does this relationship aid both individuals in their growth and can they have a good time along the way?