Not surprisingly, one of the questions that most often comes in for the advice column is “Are we compatible” or “Will we stay together.” I like this quote on the subject:

What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility. ~George Levinger

In earlier articles I’ve written on this subject I’ve addressed the fallacy of our concept of the soulmate as the perfect mirror and perfect partnership free of difficulties. While there is a fated quality to most soulmate partnerships, their purpose is primarily to encourage growth on a deep soul level and this is not always particularly comfortable. In the soulmate relationship we are drawn deep within to face our innermost Self and reveal it to our partner; this requires a great deal of courage and determination. The kind of personal growth engendered by a soulmate connection requires that the two partners learn to depend on each other while simultaneously encouraging the personal growth of each individual.

Often the couples I see in brand new relationships eagerly await my affirmation that the relationship will last. They are reluctant to look at the hints of difficulties that may come before them, instead preferring to hope that this time the relationship will be Perfect. In a new relationship the Self is temporarily merged with the Other in a blissful experience of Oneness.

The couples that I see who have been together for long periods of time are already aware of their points of conflict but they don’t always understand the nature of that conflict. The reading illustrates for them quite clearly the source of their misunderstandings and irritations and offers keys so that they can help each other to grow beyond the limitations of their incompatibilities. By this point they often have a deep sense of commitment to the process but may have temporarily lost the way.

Often two people who have come together in a relationship that feels like a soulmate connection have charts that tightly aspect each other, but this is not always true. In my own marriage, my husband’s chart and mine have very few points of contact between the charts and we are very separate and independent within the relationship. His Moon and my Moon are not compatible; neither are the two Mercurys. However, the energetic components of the charts are similar: Where Rich is a Pisces, I have Sun conjunct Neptune (ruler of Pisces). Where my Sun squares Uranus, his Mars is in Aquarius (ruler of Uranus). His Aquarius Venus is not compatible with my Scorpio Venus, but my Venus makes a trine to Uranus which rules Aquarius, bridging that divide very nicely. Because we understand the astrology of our relationship we are able to appreciate our differences rather than become frustrated by them.

Even the most perfect of relationships have moments that are not perfect, but that never means that the relationship is doomed. Planetary cycles experienced by one partner or the other, or often both, can disrupt the most stable of marriages and the question must then be asked: does this partnership feed my soul and allow me to grow into the person I most want to be? There is small still voice within us that speaks the truth when we take the time to listen to it. From this voice alone, all answers come.