Every now and then I like to share a letter from the advice column that might be of help to others as well. Here is one such letter and response:
Q: i was wondering if you could help me. my life is absolutely obliterated. i was studying for my doctorate until last august, when i tested hiv+ and the trauma caused me to withdraw. i tried living in europe with hopes that i would gain citizenship so that i could have access to the universal health care. after one and one half years of being over there homeless, without money, without a place to stay permanently, and being betrayed by key friends abroad, i had to find my way back to the states. now, i’ve destroyed my opportunity to complete my studies at the original place where i was studying. i cannot find work, i still have no place of my own to live, and soon i have to begin medical treatment. although hiv is no longer a death sentence, and there are programs to help me here in the states, i could sure use some guidance about what is happening to me! does it get better in the future? i feel depressed, have been alone for the last 4 years, and don’t know what to do!
A:
Thank you for writing – I’m sorry to hear of your difficulties but I am happy to tell you that the crisis period is really finished.
Here are a few things I see in your chart that might be useful: With your Sun in Pisces, you seek to flow in the direction that life takes you and you may be less self-directed in some ways. Pisces is a very spiritual sign as you know, and very creative and imaginative but not always the most practical. However, your Moon is in Capricorn which is extremely practical and hard working. Your Moon is in the sixth house, showing that although you long (Moon) for success and responsibility (Capricorn) you may tend to subjugate your needs to others since in the sixth house we like to be useful and of service to others. Cancer is rising in your chart, and the need to nurture those that you love is a strong part of your personality.
Capricorn can be somewhat pessimistic and negative, and with the Moon in Capricorn you may feel like you’re not really good enough but Jupiter conjoins the Moon, adding its optimistic viewpoint. This gives you the ability to expand your view if you choose to, although it is always a struggle between those two dynamics. The Moon and Jupiter in the sixth house have an effect on your health as well and you are an excellent candidate for visualization and guided imagery to assist in your healing process. These two planets are conjunct the cusp of your seventh house (opposite the ascendant or rising sign so we call this point the “descendant”). Often we project the qualities of the planets that we find at this point, so this suggests that you may draw in the negative voice of the Moon/Capricorn from your partners. They may even vacillate between being generous (Jupiter) and withholding (Capricorn Moon) which may keep you off-balance. However, this dynamic is actually within your own personality.
Any time we have these conflicts within us the goal is to internalize and balance them in our own life. So you spend some time with the Capricorn negative voice that is always pushing you and balance that with Jupiter’s optimism which will help you to make a detailed plan for how you will achieve success which is what Capricorn wants.
The conjunction of the Moon and Jupiter in your chart is squared by another conjunction of Chiron to Mercury. The combination of the wounded healer (Chiron) with your thought process (Mercury) indicates a painful insecurity (Chiron) about your ability to communicate and share your thoughts (Mercury). This conjunction falls in the tenth house of career, and I suspect that this causes you some fear about stepping out into the public arena even though you long to do so. Your Sun is conjunct the cusp of your tenth house of career (also called the Midheaven), which suggests that you have a real purpose to serve in the public eye. The square from Chiron to Mercury exacerbates the self-doubt that you feel, and the square from Mercury to the Moon shows that your thinking (Mercury) is very much tied in with your emotions (Moon).
This whole stew of ambition and self-doubt was challenged back in 2003 when Saturn crossed your ascendant (rising sign) which set off the whole configuration we’ve discussed above. Ascendant/descendant, Moon/Jupiter, Chiron/Mercury are all within 5 degrees of each other, so any planetary event that hits one planet affects the entire dynamic. This began back in July of 2003 and continued until June 2004.
At the same time, Pluto (the god of death and rebirth) was in square to your Sun and your Midheaven from February 2003 through September of 2005. The challenging transits of Pluto remove from our lives anything that no longer serves us. For me, Pluto represents the will of the Higher Self, and these transits require a great deal of surrender and faith that your Higher Self is overseeing everything in order to bring you further along in your evolutionary journey. Even when you are devastated and have lost everything, your guides and celestial teachers or gods are present and in charge. You are a strong and powerful individual: Saturn in your chart makes a nearly exact trine to Pluto, showing that you possess both discipline and strength (Saturn) as well as personal power. The Pisces part of you is not always connected to that inner resource of power, but if you work to become consciously aware of its presence you will be amazed at the strength you possess within yourself.
This has been a tremendously difficult period, but you will find that this was a major turning point in your life. Two powerful planets, Saturn and Pluto, made transits to all four angles (ascendant/descendant/midheaven and its opposite the nadir) which creates major life changes. Currently you have a great deal of positive planetary events: Chiron will be making harmonious transits to both Mercury and Saturn over the next month or two and to your ascendant as well, bringing its healing powers to work on your issues of how you see yourself (ascendant) relative to your relationships (descendant). In the spring and summer, Chiron will begin working on your relationships and your sense of your own value (Venus). A series of positive Saturn transits will help to give you the discipline to focus on your goals.
Setting clear intentions and affirming them daily will really help you along this path and keep yourself focused. Simple statements such as “In the presence of my health issues I focus clearly on my career path and achieve great success in my chosen field” will help you to keep from slipping into a negative spiral. There is a great deal of creative power available to you now and maintaining that clear vision will help you tap into it.
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