When you’re wondering what your Valentine is looking for, don’t bother looking at his or her Sun sign. When it comes to relationships it’s Mars, Venus and the Moon that rule. Look up your beloved’s chart on astro.com and see where these planets fall in their charts and you’ll get an idea of what they want for Valentine’s Day.

Venus in the birthchart reveals our relationship needs – how we express our affection, and how we would like to be treated by our partner. It also describes our aesthetic preferences and the type of art or furnishings we enjoy for our home.

Venus in water signs tends to desire emotional closeness and connection; in the air signs Venus wants to think and talk about the relationship. In fire signs Venus wants a bolder and more adventurous expression of love, and in earth we see a Venus who enjoys staying home and enjoying the fruits of their labors.

Mars shows our physical energy and drive, and describes the kinds of experiences that we desire. The sign that Mars falls in gives us a clue as to the needs of the sexual drive.

When Mars is in fire signs, there is a need for excitement and pure sexual energy. In air, the brain becomes the major sex organ. Mars in water wants to feel connected and nurtured, and in earth Mars is more sensual and physical.

The Moon is the Inner Child – it identifies the types of emotional experiences we need to be secure and to feel safe. If the Moon isn’t fed, the relationship will not go well and feelings will be hurt.

An airy Moon needs to be listened to; in fire the Moon needs adventure and new experiences. Earthy and watery Moons both need to feel secure and safe, but the watery Moon also needs a sense of emotional connection and the earthy Moon needs a more practical and material kind of security.

Unless you have a summer home in your loved one’s head (® Jill) it’s often hard to know what they really want. Astrology takes away some of the guesswork and makes it easier to understand each other. Happy Valentine’s Day!