In today’s fast paced society, we rarely take time out to address feelings related to loss. When a parent, friend, colleague or pet passes we quickly rush to the next thing to patch up the sense of unease and fill the void that’s left in their absence. But the heart needs time to mend. Left unattended, the wounds beneath the surface can fester. Facing loss and coping with it requires time and awareness of the process. When a loved one, a job, a house or relationship are lost, it usually hurts. 

Allowing time to grieve is essential. Don’t bury the pain or try to escape it. Don’t wallow in it either. Rushing into another relationship to replace what’s missing may simply result in more hurt.

In traditional Irish culture wakes lasted for days. People joined together to weep, laugh, drink and mourn a death.  Dr. Elizabeth Kubler Ross studied the process of loss in terminally ill patients. The process takes time. She unveiled five steps in the ways we react to loss. They include: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

She found that patients who first learned of terminal illness denied the problem. “No I’m not sick.” They progressed to anger. “Why me, God?” Then they went on to bargain with doctors or God, “please just let me get back to normal. I’ll be good. I’ll do things right.” Then came depression and finally acceptance. Understanding that there is a process helps us to feel that we’re not alone.

The EKR Foundation suggests a number of ways to cope with grief and loss.

Attending support groups in your area
Many communities have secular and faith based support groups focused on spousal,
parental, and child death.

-Therapy with a psychologist. Therapy can be helpful in many ways especially when combined with a support group.

-Journaling. Groups like Dr. John Evan’s Writing and Wellness Connections attest to the power of writing as a way to release pent up emotions and traumas and heal.

-Eat properly. Consume healthy foods even though you may not feel like it.

-Exercise
Take walks in nature, jog, do yoga, dance. Physical exercise is a good stress reliever and may provide some alone time to gather your thoughts and feelings.

-Get enough rest
Take the amount of time necessary to rest. Grief drains the emotional battery and you will

-For some, a faith community provides support.
If you’re drawn to it, seek wisdom and comfort in a spiritual or religious community.

-Do rituals
Memorial services, planting trees, donating to a cause, and other comforting rituals can be constructive ways to mend.

-Allow emotions
Tears can heal the heart.

-Avoid major changes in residence, jobs, or marital status
The EKR Foundation suggests that people wait for about one year before making major life changes.

Bio: Debra Moffitt is author of Awake in the World: 108 Practices to Live a Divinely Inspired Life. A visionary and teacher, she’s devoted to nurturing the spiritual in everyday life. She leads workshops on spiritual practices at the Sophia Institute and other venues in the U.S. and Europe. Her mind/body/spirit articles, essays and stories appear in publications around the globe and were broadcast by BBC World Services Radio. She has spent over fifteen years practicing meditation, working with dreams and doing spiritual practices. Visit her online at http://www.awakeintheworld.com.