When it comes to self-empowerment we often believe that to empower ourselves, we must “do” something in order to “feel” good. This means we will strive to empower ourselves through external forces such as create a world around us that “makes” us feel like we are enough. This is how we feed the Ego. Of course the Ego always wants to feel good and so it will tell us that we must go out in the world and strive to find that perfect job, grow our bank accounts, lose weight, find that perfect partner, get, get, get etc.

The very hard truth is this is the furthest thing from what true self-empowerment is. As Tony Robbins says, “The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.” When we are ready to tap into this deeper truth, we will begin to settle into the reality that these outside circumstances are not providing a sense of happiness and fulfillment that we were hoping for. When people say, “Denise, I don’t know why, but I’m just feeling so lost” My response is always, “Good. Then you are way ahead of the game.”

Often we must completely lose ourselves in order to find our way back to who we really are.

So if we don’t truly empower ourselves by what we work so hard to create in the outside world, then how do we do it? First, I will be clear that there is absolutely nothing wrong with having any of the things that I mentioned above. But I also know that when we strive to create these circumstances so that we can feel empowered, we are setting ourselves up for failure. We will never feel good because of outside circumstances and things. Not at the very real, authentic core level that we all long for. We can buy into this illusion and strive to reach the place where we can finally sit back and say, “Ah yes, I made it. Here I am. I am good enough” But what happens when we lose the job, the bank account and the partner? What happens when we lose the weight and still find ourselves feeling bad about who we are?

I can say from personal experience, I had the job. I lost the weight. I have experienced some really good relationships. I’ve made more money than I did last year and the year before that. But, the feeling of empowerment from within me didn’t come from any of that. The truth is it came from discovering that I didn’t need any of that. It came from losing it all and being willing to ask, “Who am I now?” It came from being willing to let go of the story that I need anything or anyone to validate who I am. It came from owning my worth simply because I’m here and not because of what I have or what I do. When we are so clear about who we are at the deepest level, we are naturally empowered from within and from this place we can allow our truth to guide us. We stop letting outwardly circumstances rule us. We don’t make choices based on the need for approval, to fit in or to feel good enough. When this happens, miracles happen.

Some of the many miracles that occur are that we get to live life on our own terms. We make choices that we know are right for us regardless of the opinions of others. These choices may look crazy to everyone around us, but we have a knowing deep within that we are doing what feels right for us. We can see clearly enough to make decisions that may cause others discomfort, but we also know it is a decision that is for the highest good for all involved. We trust that this is true and we don’t need to second guess or question ourselves. We simply come from a knowing that is so strong, it over rides our ego’s criticism, judgments and fears. We are clear about the boundaries we need to have in place to lead a life that feels good to us. We are clear about who we want to invite into our space and we are clear about which messages we want to listen to and which ones we want to discard. We are clear that we get a choice in everything that we say and do. We may experience chaos happening all around us, but we know our real power is how we choose to respond to the chaos. And the best part of it all is that we get to do it unapologetically with grace, peace and love. Empowering ourselves is an inside job and it is the most important job that we can choose to take on. It’s a job filled with strength, courage, stamina and truth and it’s the one thing that can never be taken from us.