Here is something that most people are not aware of when it comes to their most important relationships they have with others.

Not only is this often overlooked, but in most cases it is the determining factor as to whether or not you have the type of loving relationships you want.

Before I reveal what this is, just know that this is involved in any relationship that matters most to you, whether it is through marriage, a new mate, and even with a very close friend.

What I’m referring to as being vital to the success you have in your relationships comes down to answering a critically important question:

“Do you like or love your significant other?”

Now at first you may say, “well what is the difference?”

There’s actually a huge difference.

So let’s take a look at that difference right now.

1. Liked ones vs. loved ones– As the two words imply, there is a difference between “like” and “love.” Taken a step further, there’s a huge difference between “liked ones” and “loved ones.” In fact, this is something that is very subtle that you may never have been aware of…until now.

You’ve heard me say before that there is a difference between when you say, “I should”, “I have to”, “I’m supposed to” versus saying, “I love to”, “I’m inspired to”, “This is what I’ve always dreamed of.” The same thing applies here except now we’re talking about relationships.

What I mean is that, do you “like” or “love” your significant other?

And yes there is a huge and relationship transforming difference.

One of the biggest ways you can tell if you “like” or “love” someone is to ask yourself if you appreciate the person you’re with when they have both positive and negative moments.

In other words, do you appreciate when they’re mean, cruel, greedy, sad, and warful, just as much as when they’re nice, kind, generous, happy, and peaceful towards you?

If you do then you “love” rather than “like” this person.

Just know that when I speak of being mean, cruel, greedy, sad, and warful, that these traits serve you and the relationship in varying degrees.

For example, your spouse may have been greedy with you regarding a conversation you had with them where they took over the conversation because they had an insight that was of benefit to you in a conflict you were having with your boss at work.

So when I speak of those negative traits above, I want you to look at them from a higher level of awareness because when you perceive others in those ways, it does benefit you.

The point here is that the strongest, longest lasting, and most loving relationships will have a balance of both sides, positive and negative, to include those traits in each of you.

Contrary to what most people are selling and having you believe, every relationship is going to have peace and war, giving and taking, up days and down days, happy and sad moments, and so on.

Once you realize this and know how each side is vital and healthy to the relationship, then you’ll appreciate that person more, and you’ll truly “love” rather than just “liking” them.

2. The vows of life- I’m sure many of you are familiar with the marriage vows. In general they go something like this…”I ________, take you ________ to be my (husband/wife). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, for better and for worse, and so on. Most people are not aware of something very important that is mentioned here…and it is two words I want you to pay close attention to…

“True” and “And”

Why are these two words important and how do they relate to “liking” or “loving” your significant other?

When you are “true” and truly love your significant other (or anyone for that matter) you’ll embrace both sides of that person equally. This is where the “And” comes in. Notice in the wedding vows that it’s “in sickness AND in health, good times AND bad? It doesn’t say “Or”, it says, “And”…

Yet, most people are still trying for the “Or” in their relationships and life by trying to live a one sided (an “Or”) life and be more happy than sad, more nice than mean, more kind than cruel, more peaceful than warful.

Trying to have a relationship in this one sided manner will eventually either end the relationship or at the very least turn it into a “liking” relationship rather than a “loving” one.

So what can you do to have the type of loving and long lasting relationship you’d love to have…embrace both sides of the person.

Even with that, there is one more very important piece I want to bring up right now.

3. Significant others- Every human being has a set of values or something that is most important to them. Another way to say this is that every person has a set of their highest priorities, things that are most important, second most important , third most, and so on to them.

Along with that is the fact that each person has a different set of values. No two people have exactly the same values as someone else.

This is important in your relationships because it is your ability to know how to communicate what is important to you in terms of what is important to your significant other that determines the quality and duration of your relationship.

When you realize this, along with knowing that your significant other has two sides to them, and that it serves you and the relationship, you’ll “love” them instead of “liking” them, and you’ll be well on your way to having what many call the “dream” or “ideal” relationship.

And since you’re a reflection of what you see in others, you’ll also realize your own brilliance and magnificence along the way. In fact that is the ultimate purpose of your relationships.

When you love others for who they are, they turn into the one you love. This in turn is trying to get you to love yourself for who you are so you can turn into the one you love.

Be sure to thank your significant others for who they are and how they contribute so much to your life…

And certainly be sure to thank yourself for all that you do and contribute to the world with your uniqueness.