I am numb from the news. Every day, it seems, we lose more Americans to domestic terrorism. And I will not call the murderous killers of innocent men, women, & children ‘mentally unbalanced.’ To me, killing anyone is a sign of unbalance. Even if it’s in self-defence, the act is not one of balance. It’s one of reaction: an act of violence, even if necessary, is not an everyday occurrence.

It has become one, however. Or at least it’s beginning to feel that way.

And my heart is breaking at the levels of hate & inner horror that drive young men it’s almost always young men… to such vicious violence. Most recently — the mass shooting in San Bernadino — the shootings were quite obviously well-orchestrated: body armour requires time to put on. Where does the cold rage come from that sends a human being out to murder the disabled? Regardless of a presidential candidate’s bullying mime of a disabled journalist, there is no rôle model for this kind of hate.

Grief is hard, especially the grief that is generalised, for people we don’t know, for families who will be minus members this holiday. Murders for unfathomable reasons.

All I can do is breathe for the grieving, the injured. Try not to let my own anger white-hot overpower my pain for the victims. It’s nothing, I know. But it’s what I have. If you have better ideas, I’m listening. Because America is in trouble. And all I have is my own sorrow, anger, & inability to understand.