Thanks to reader TJ Muktoyuk who asked, “How do I learn to reach out for help?”

TJ, as long as you don’t expect everyone to understand (I’m speaking mostly of non-depressives), I think you can reach out in a variety of different ways: by checking out blogs on depression like Beyond Blue and online depression chat rooms (like the depression support group on Beliefnet). You can contact national groups like DRADA (Depression and Related Affective Disorders Association) or NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). I’d also try Recovery, Inc. to see if they host a meeting near you, or inquire with a doctor or psychologist in town about local support groups.

I think anyone can be of support, even those who haven’t struggled to the depths that you have. BUT you need to hang out with the compassionate kind. Walk away from (or don’t call back) those that blame you for your pain because such feedback is toxic to recovery.

That’s why I thought to include a response to your question right after my post on unrealistic expectations. It’s hard to be vulnerable, to put yourself out there in order to get support. But if you keep your expectations low–and know that more people will think that you are weak than you are strong (even though we know the opposite), you’ll be less frustrated, and will probably get there–to a circle of empathetic ears–sooner than later.