A depressive becomes a kind of detective in trying to solve the relapse dilemma.
“What the hell triggered this?” I’ve been asking myself for about eight days.
I studied my sleep-mood-menstruation-medication journal and realized one thing had changed: I went off my medication to stimulate the production of the hormone Prolactin in my pituitary gland, at the urging of my endocrinologist. While researching the cause of my tumor in the pituitary gland (yes, I’m ODC), I ran across studies that suggest any fluctuation of hormones in the pituitary gland can absolutely trigger mood-related symptoms.
Eric had another suspect.
“Therese, you are good at recognizing that you need to take your medication, work with a doctor, exercise, and eat right,” he said. “But you don’t seem to get the ‘rest’ part of it. You can’t write a book in two weeks [I was trying to do that], train for a triathlon, manage your blog, and be an involved parent without burning out. You never let yourself rest.”
As usual, his assessment was accurate. That’s why I loved liquor. It helped me relax, something I have great difficulty doing sober.
The hardest thing for me to do is nothing. But I don’t want to go to another bloody support group. Enough therapy and support!
I will try, ever so hard, to do absolute nothing for ten minutes every day for a week–the amount of time it takes me to swallow all of my vitamins and supplements.