This week for Beyond Blue’s series “How Do You Move Beyond Blue?” I interview a beautiful young woman I met at the BlogHer convention in Chicago. She’s the accomplished, popular chick I told to slow down because she’s on the psych ward tract in my posts “Social Anxiety Rears Its Head” and “Perfectionism at BlogHer.” I’ve overcome my jealousy of her enough to interview her for Beyond Blue. Since she has battled both depression and an eating disorder in her past, I thought her insights might be appreciated this time of year, in the heart of eating season.
Rita writes three blogs: one for BlogHer, one called “Surrender, Dorothy,” and one with her sister (who also writes “Tales From Clark Street“) called “She Doesn’t Get It.”
Rita and her sister were two of the most interesting and dynamic people I met at BlogHer. Maybe my inner Midwesterner connected with the twosome from Iowa. Or maybe I just relaxed more around them because I knew they were on meds too.
1. First of all, I love the name of your blog “Surrender, Dorothy.” I’m assuming you are referencing “The Wizard of Oz.” But tell me more about it.
You’re right – it’s from that great Midwestern film. Mostly, though, I started my blog after my daughter was born, and I felt like I had to surrender completely my Type A personality or be overtaken by anxiety, guilt, fear, joy, you name it.
2. A large source of your anxiety, you write, was the insecurity you experienced early on in your life when your mom was fighting cancer. I’ve read studies that suggest some people’s depression and anxiety develop as a result of childhood trauma—that your brain actually forms differently from kids with nice, secure homes (if that really exists). What are your first memories of anxiety or depression?

Actually, I think I was born with it. Many of my family members have struggled with the twin evils in some form or another. I remember having a really poor body image from a very young age – probably around eight or nine. I was heavier than the other kids, and they made fun of me for it. I literally loathed my physical self from the minute I started ‘the change,’ which was early for me. I’ve also always been what my family euphemistically calls ‘sensitive.’
3. I loved your post “When the Reframing Gets Tiring,” because I so relate to it! Cognitive behavioral therapy can be utterly exhausting. One technique you mentioned in a comment to one of my posts was visualizing a chalkboard. When a negative thought surfaces, write it on the chalkboard, read it, and then erase it. Let it go. Is that primarily how you reframe your thoughts?
I usually try to think of the good thing that is also true of whatever is causing my grief. If I’m stressed at work, I try to remind myself it’s good to have a job, which provides a paycheck. If I’m overwhelmed with housework, at least I have a house. If I’m mad at my husband, I try to remember all the things that are great about him. After a while, if it’s working, I start to think I’m really complaining about my diamond shoes hurting my feet. Everyone has problems. I’m trying to stay on top of the waves instead of wishing them away completely now, if that bad metaphor makes any sense.
4. In your post “Nicole Ritchie Has Nothing on Me,” you describe the worst days of your eating disorder. And what led to it. You write:

Eating disorders, textbook ones, like the one I had, stem from the inability to control one’s life. In my case, it stemmed from two bouts of maternal cancer at a formative age, mixed with a super-Type-A personality and shot through with an inherited predisposition toward the melancholy.

And you follow that with a list of ingredients you believe contribute to an eating disorder:

Sometimes there may seem to be no trigger point, but I guarantee that somewhere in that girl or woman’s past (and it usually is a female) there was a combination of bad circumstance, perfectionism and a mean comment about the girl’s butt.

So how did you grow to have a healthy body image? What are some of the thoughts that you have to constantly tell yourself when you begin to fret about your tight jeans?
It’s funny you say that, because this morning I called my best friend and said, “Tell me it’s okay that I haven’t worked out this week because I have a chest cold.” I know it’s fine to skip working out for a week, but I STILL feel guilty if I don’t exercise at least four times a week. It’s insane. I’ve managed to tame my demons down to that level, but they’re still definitely there. The difference is now I’m totally aware that I’m being ridiculous, so I call people who can reinforce to me that I’m blowing something (like the need to work out on some organized schedule in order to be happy) out of proportion. I’m sick this week. If I push myself, I’ll be sick longer. It’s very hard for me to deal with that.
I don’t know that my body image is “healthy,” but it’s working for me now. There are parts of me that I still don’t like, but I rarely feel the need to call in fat anymore – have you ever done that? Felt so bad about your body that you literally didn’t want to leave the house? I used to feign illness and call in fat to dates sometimes when I was younger. Now I remind myself that if I’m a few pounds over, I can cut back in a healthy way and it will eventually come back off. I allow myself a little more leeway with my appearance. I realize there are no weight quick fixes. I’ve never been really picky about hair or make-up, but ever since the eating disorder, I’ve really cared too much about the size of my rear end.
5. Since we are coming up on Thanksgiving, I wondered if you had any advice to give those Beyond Blue readers who are in the war zone right now with food. Any words of wisdom for the holidays when you’re tempted to indulge in emotional food every ten minutes?
Well, I’m not an emotional eater – I’m an emotional noneater. When I feel good, that’s when I eat ‘too much,’ because I’m not hating myself and restricting myself. So for me, if I do eat a little more than normal at Thanksgiving, I take that as a sign of being normal. However, if you have a problem with overeating, I’d suggest something very simple: gum or knitting. You can’t put food in your mouth if there’s already something in there, and you can’t put food in your mouth if both hands are busy.
I don’t eat while I’m blogging, for instance. Try to find something you can do when you’re all just hanging out and being lazy that physically prevents you from putting food in your mouth except when you’re all sitting down at the table. Then don’t beat yourself up for what goes in it during that one big meal. From there on, Thanksgiving is over, and you can go back to whatever you normally do to cope with binging or emotional eating issues. (You can, however, take that hint too far – it’s a leftover from my anorexia days. Don’t go overboard.)