Kenny Rogers’s refrain–You got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em/ Know when to walk away and know when to run–sounds an awful lot like the Serenity Prayer:

God, Grant me the courage to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Beyond Blue reader Susan advised Bambi to try and do that this Christmas–to separate her own health and wellbeing from that of her family’s, because she isn’t going to be able to heal and recover as long as her problems are mixed in with her mother’s and son’s and granddaughter’s. Susan wrote this to Bambi on the message board of “Blanche’s 12 Bipolar, Alcoholic Days of Christmas”:

We all are failures at one point or time in our life and failure is success. It is when we hit our bottom that the Lord extends his hands and pulls us up. Bambi, He pulls us up. Bambi, you are in charge of changing yourself. You can only change you. You can not change your family.
You need to admit that you are powerless and to help yourself: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
I am codependent: always helping others and doing more for them than myself. But I have learned to help myself and take care of myself now. It is OK. That is what we are supposed to do. Taking care of our selves is all right!
Pray for your family but work on you. Bambi, since I started to focus on me I am much happier and I can love my family, too. Some of us learned early to put ourselves last. So we go around taking care of everyone except ourselves. You can not make your family accept your higher power. Respect their ways and get moving on yours.