I was disheartened to read this by one of our Group Beyond Blue members yesterday morning:

I’ve been, sporadically, posting at Beyond Blue original, then someone sent me a link for the group. I did a profile and posted and I’ve been posting to that, but I feel as if I’m not wanted and/or needed. I’ve noticed that some ‘new’ posters get a very warm welcome while others are pointedly ignored.
Sorry, but a Support Group isn’t snobby or cliquish. Please, let me know if I’ve done something wrong. Till then, God Speed to you and I’ll stay away from Beyond Blue.
From what I’ve seen in the group, it seems as though the newbies are welcomed in. But I don’t want to discredit her experience and wondered if others felt the same way.

I started a discussion thread in the group about it, and the responses are very insightful. They took me back to my first 12-step meetings, and how I felt like the loner. Although all of us had sobriety in common, I didn’t feel like I fit in at all. I hadn’t lost a job due to drunkenness. I was 18, while most of them were nearing retirement. And I had no marriage experience. I was still just a kid. But I did keep coming back, and those guys, much like my old running partner Ben, became an important support at a crucial time. No, they weren’t where I was in life, but they certainly had lessons to teach me.
Here’s what some of our Beyond Blue group members said:
From SisterSearching:

Initially when I joined Beliefnet I felt the same way in the group that I belonged, but at the time I was in so much pain and struggling severely with PTSD/Depression and I felt I had no where else to turn with the loss of my only brother. Well, the group had been going a couple times already and I think they were starting group 3 or so and so everyone was very familiar with each other and I just felt ignored, or they were not including me because they were all so personal with each other. But I kept posting when I felt the need to share and it was more of what I read that I needed to hear that kept me hangin on.
Anyways, it got to the point where when the next dialogue group was about to start. I was reluctant to sign up and I received a private email from two of the members looking for me and saying how much they had learned from my posts and how the group wouldn’t be complete without me, that I was apart of the family there. Well, of course I wept and I thought to myself how selfish and self – centered of me and I signed on.
The lesson in that experience for me was how you never know when something you say may help someone else, and it’s to God be the glory and it’s not always about me, per say! Just when I think no one is listening or paying attention to me is when I find out differently and that has been somewhat the story of my life. And so from that moment on I decided I needed that group more than I knew and it turned out they needed me too.

From Lapatosu:

Solution – just keep posting however much you want and whenever you want. If nothing else, it is great therapy – and free.

From Frank:

At times, each of us may feel “left out” or sidelined from the action. That happens at a cocktail party, birthday party or Valentine’s Party in 2nd grade. I think it is rarely intentional – although there may be that rare exception. I’ve tried to tell my sensitive stepson when he tells me, “They don’t like me,” or words to that effect, that the truth of the matter is most of us are far too concerned with what’s our latest problem to spend time not liking anyone. We ignore our own family sometimes for the same reason – we do get busy and a bit self-absorbed. It’s not meant to put anyone down. To the contrary, most of us deal with our own perceived slights and hurts to the exclusion of having any time to intentionally do much more than breathe in and breathe out.
In these threads/boards you have those who are consistently here to offer their 2 cents worth. And that keeps the thread alive. If it weren’t for those steady trickles of input, the well would dry up. And it’s hard to maintain all of them to the same degree. I wouldn’t lose any sleep over this. I suspect we’ve all felt the tug of other responsibilities and yet wish we could respond to what we’ve just read. And some are just unavailable for any number of reasons. That would be Life 101. Everyone’s input and participation is wanted/desired and appreciated. Different insights allow us to see things from a new perspective. We are in this together. We’re open and accessible. That’s my take on it.
There’s an ebb and flow to how much time any of us have to post or reply. But if I’ve given anyone the impression that I was standoffish or clique’ish, my humble apologies. Each of us have been the last kid chosen at some time, so we know the feeling – and wouldn’t wish it on anyone!

From Larry:

I **DO** see why an outsider might see Beyond Blue as cliquish. But not for the reason he/she might think.
When people are constantly reaching out to help/comfort each other like BB members are, we appear to outsiders — and are, of course, in a very real sense — friends, close friends even. And it might seem difficult for an outsider to enter that “clique.”
What your complainant may not realize, of course, is that once upon a time each of us were newbies too and were welcomed with open arms — and we would certainly do the same to him or her.

From Lisa:

For me, I often feel that I’m not as eloquent as a few of you, or as outgoing as others and it’s easy to feel left out. But I try to remember there have been times when my post has been appreciated or picked up by the next person. Additionally, being in a bad space makes it that much harder to socialize other than to lament my place in my illness.

And from Luthitarian:

I guess all that can be done is to say, “Observation noted,” and then try to be a bit more intentional about being inclusive. In any large group–virtual or real–people who tend to be more introverted will have to make an effort beyond what might be their comfort zone to be noticed. (And I say that speaking as a true introvert!) And the rest will have to be observant and ready to be welcoming.
And yet, try as we might, our efforts will not always succeed. I would encourage that person to give it another shot, and to be aware that large groups require more to stand out and be noticed.