Speaking of the day you were born. Have you ever wondered what happened the moment you were conceived????
I’ve often contemplated the origins of my bipolar disorder.
I’m thinking that on that fateful day when my dad’s swimmers caught up with my mom’s egg, an accident happened similar to the day I drove Eric’s swimmers to his urologist to see if we got the green light to go for it without any form of birth control.
For those who have never bought their husbands two packages of frozen corn and pees, this is how a vasectomy works: after surgery, your male gets to clean out his swimmers 25 times. You, or the lucky person who gets the job, takes the 26th batch to the urologist to see if the healthy guys are now paralyzed, disabled swimmers who couldn’t catch an egg if they tried.
You have two hours from the time he squirts his stuff to the hour the nice nurse behind the counter takes your brown bag and says, “Thank you.”
That’s where I went wrong. I waited, of course, an hour and a half before taking the batch of Special Olympics swimmers to the doctor. So with a half hour to go, I was frantically looking for a paper bag.

No bags. Just the one that had been made into an owl puppet, a stupid crafts project I did with the kids after reading an article that said good moms make puppets. So I plopped Eric’s guys in the owl bag and rushed to the doc.
They are supposed to call within 72 hours. It had been 98. No call.
So I called them. “Look,” I said over the phone, “I dropped the guys off like five days ago. Did they swim away? They were the bad boys in an owl bag.”
“So sorry, Ma’am, but we seem to have lost that batch.”
I made my lovely husband produce yet another school of fish, who made it safely to the home of the Terminator and were officially declared defective!!!!
What does this crazy story have to do with my conception??
I believe that at the moment my mom’s egg was fertilized God thought he had the owl bag, the formula of wisdom, but accidentally dumped the genes of the Cuckoo Bird into my mom. Either that or my twin sister, with whom I shared the womb, stole all the good stuff and left me with the waste.
That’s just one theory. I have plenty of others.