Since we crossed a big milestone this week, I thought it would be appropriate to republish my very first interview–with Talia Mana who directs the Centre for Emotional Well-Being. She wasn’t part of the “How Do You Move Beyond Blue?” series, because that wasn’t in place yet. But I thought it important to introduce you to her since she was my first blogging buddy. When I sent out like three dozen e-mails to other bloggers, asking them for some swapping of resources, sharing links, etc., Talia was the only one who wrote back. Now that Beyond Blue won a Psych Central Top 10 Award, I get some responses. But I’m indebted to Talia for teaching me so much about blogging, especially in those months I was just starting out. And she has some fabulous advice on staying sane, too.
Even though she lives across the globe, in New Zealand, I knew after three seconds on her website that Talia was my kind of lady, because the first thing you read on her site is a beautiful Japanese proverb: “Fall down seven times, get up eight.”

Talia is the type of attractive overachiever I despise on my insecure days. At the age of 25, she was a senior executive in Fletcher Challenge, a Fortune 500 company, and the first woman to venture into management in the male-dominated world of concrete in New Zealand. Two years later she joined the Board of the Cement and Concrete Association and as Chief Executive spearheaded change in the industry.

From her background in marketing, finance, and management, Talia began her own consulting business as well as writing books (“The Art of Calm” and “Romancing the Frogs“) and inspiring people through her training and motivational talks.

Here she is!

Why did you choose that Japanese proverb—”Fall down seven times, get up eight”–for your website?

As soon as I saw that proverb it felt right. It symbolized how I feel about recovery because it’s such a difficult process. The proverb also symbolizes hope–no matter how many times I hit an obstacle I have to find a way around it and return myself not just to my starting position, but to an improved position.

You’ve mentioned in places your stress-related illnesses and battles with depression. What helped pull you out more than anything?

Activity.

It’s hard because what helps most is usually the thing you least want to do. What I wanted to do was to hide from the world: read books, eat fudge, watch television, stay in bed.

My goal was to do one social activity each week. At first I’d say I don’t want to go out, I’m too tired, I can’t be bothered, I can’t face people today. I had a million excuses. Just the thought of showering and brushing my hair seemed overwhelming.

I’d leave it to the last minute, and then, oops, it would be too late. Once I got there, as you might expect, the evening would be much better than I anticipated. After a while this changed my thinking. Instead of anticipating a bad evening, I knew that if I went, I’d enjoy it and feel better for it.

There are two other changes that have helped a lot. The first is regular exercise. My initial goal was to do 20 minutes of walking each day (two ten-minute walks at a little old lady pace). After two weeks it started to get easier and I began to enjoy the walks. More importantly I noticed an increase in energy and positive feelings.

The other big factor in my recovery was changing my thinking. In particular, I am a fan of ABC which is derived from Rational Emotive Therapy: Activating event, Belief, Consequence.

I wrote about it here.

You’ve written a book, “The Art of Calm.” How does a person stay calm?

With great difficulty! Since I’m the quintessential high-achieving, impatient, Type A personality.

I think, in part, the answer depends on how you define calm. I am not and never will be one of those people that display consistent Zen-like calm. I still find meditation a challenge and I doubt I will ever master yoga. For me calm isn’t always about sitting still. I can find it in movement–like walking meditation or dancing meditation.

The ingredients for calm:

1. An unshakeable faith in your ability to cope

You have to believe in yourself and your ability to cope with whatever life throws at you. When you know that you have the internal and external resources to deal with any situation, you can maintain a sense of balance and calm.

2. Self-Awareness

When you monitor your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs without being caught up in them it helps you identify situations that need change, and also to increase the fun and positive experiences you are having.

3. Willingness to change

This means confronting uncomfortable, distorted or unhelpful thoughts, feelings and beliefs.

4. Priorities

Know what’s important to you and focus your energies accordingly.

5. Taking time out

6. Sleep

I’m an insomniac, so I definitely notice the difference in my mood on the rare occasions I get a good night’s sleep–I’m calmer, and little things don’t bother me. Conversely, after a night of broken sleep, I’m grumpy, irritable and unfocused.

Many of your forums deal with emotional eating. How related do you think are depression (and other mood disorders) and a person’s diet?

I’d love to say there’s no correlation because that would give me carte blanche to subsist only on chocolate, nuts, lasagna and wine. Unfortunately mood and food are closely related, especially if your life is one-dimensional. By that I mean that the more you rely on food to self-medicate or fill gaps in your life, the more it is going to affect your mood.

If your life is filled with loving relationships, regular exercise, community involvement, hobbies, achievement, creativity and other enjoyable activities, food has less effect on your mood.

I divide the mood-food link into two categories.

First is the physical effect of mood fluctuation. For example, the highs and lows that result from high glycaemic foods and stimulants such as caffeine, or the sluggishness that results from overeating. There are also biochemical reactions, such as beta-endorphins and tryptophan in foods that can affect your mood. I know for myself I eat less chocolate when I’m in love.

The second category is the emotional effect. Before eating you may feel intense cravings, sadness, anger and a build-up of pressure as you fight the desire to eat. When you start eating you often feel immediate relief from that pressure, but also the pleasure of eating or maybe disappointment in yourself or the food (I broke my diet for that?). After the meal you may feel satisfied, or you could feel guilty, or upset with yourself.

You contributed an essay to the second volume of “101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life.” What do you think are the three best ways to improve your life?

That’s a hard one, partly because everyone is different. I would suggest:

1. Identify what you love doing and spend time every day doing it.

2. Identify your own emotional needs and find a way to fill them.

This could be anything from connecting with others, to personal achievement, being noticed, making a contribution to the lives of others. You may wonder why I put seemingly disparate emotional needs in the same category. The answer is that while I’d like to quote all the figures that say people are happier when they are connecting with and making a contributions to the lives of others, many are unable to do those things until they have satisfied the psychic holes in their lives.

3. Accept yourself 100%