Dear God,

In the Gospel of Matthew (14:22-33), we read:

After he had fed the people, Jesus made the disciples get into a boat and precede him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. After doing so, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray.

My mom constantly refers to this passage to justify her disappearances at family functions and social gatherings. Diagnosed with Blepherospasm, a neurological eye disorder that causes involuntary facial movements like blinking about 10 years ago, she has an extremely fragile nervous system. She needs take long breaks away from all human beings–especially children–and animals (especially 70 lb Golden Retrievers who jump on her, steal her turkey sandwich, and then lick her to pieces) to shut her eyes and regain composure.

“Jesus had to get away, too!” she defends herself whenever one or all of us daughters get our feelings hurt–that mom must not want to spend time with us.

I’m starting to learn the importance of solitude and play in my own life. And as much as I hate to admit this, that my nervous system is almost as fragile as my mom’s. After a list of strange symptoms lately–from vision impairment to dizziness, to anxiety and depression–I heard my body’s clear message: “Time-out, woman! Jesus needed a breather, and so do you!”

Author Macrina Wiederhehr describes the monastic tradition of breathers, lots of them, in her book “Seven Sacred Pauses: Living Mindfully Through the Hours of the Day.” In her first chapter, she explains why taking pauses is so important, especially in a culture like ours that celebrates busyness as a spiritual virtue:

The mystical possibilities of every moment are revealed to us in our intentional pauses. There are, of course, times when we are startled into pausing because grace takes hold of us in an unexpectedly profound manner. … More often, though, we need to practice living in such a way that our pauses become treasured anointings in the midst of our work. If we practice living mindfully, we slowly begin to see the holiness of so many things that remain hidden when we choose to rush through the hours, striking tasks from the list of things we must accomplish before the day’s end. It will be a happy moment when we remember to add the wise act of pausing to our to-do lists.

The last two weeks I have begun to appreciate the wisdom in her advice. Like the workaholic who suddenly suffers a heart attack and needs to reassess his priorities, my yoyo moods, compounded by other physical symptoms, the last few months have alerted me to the despairing truth that whatever I’m doing is not working. And that I had better find a way to take pauses throughout my day, or else more illness is on its way.

My destructive pattern is different to the workaholic who sleeps under his desk. I don’t keep a pillow at the office. But since I’ve had kids, I rarely allow myself to hire a babysitter so that I can do something fun and relax. Work, yes. But I have always felt too guilty for paying for a break for myself.

The other day, I received an e-mail in my box about a “nanny/grandmother” available for part-time work. It occurred to me to hire this person for a few hours and pretend she is the kids’ grandmother. Because if she really were, I would feel no guilt at all. And many of my friends benefit from that luxury.

Moreover, taking breaks, nurturing myself, and enjoying some solitude is not only a spiritual practice that will help steer my course but a kind of insurance against further physical and/or mental deterioration. The body, mind, and spirit all need to rest and replenish.

Okay then. I want to live more mindfully. How, exactly, do I do that?

Wiederhehr writes:

This pause can be as simple as standing attentively before a flowering plant or listening to the frogs in the pond. Perhaps we can stop for a cleansing breath: Breathe in the spirit of the hour; breathe in gratitude and compassion for yourself; breathe out love and encouragement for your coworkers, friends, family members. Your pause may be an awakening stretch, or sitting quietly and remembering your name. 

If you can learn the art of pausing, your work will prosper and be blessed. Ask yourself: Is it possible to be less busy and still productive? Is it possible to look at work as a ministry rather than just a means of employment? Or could it be that in order to bring my best self into my workspace, I need to change my attitude about my work? Perhaps the answer to these questions depends on how efficient we can become in remembering to take breathing spells at these special hours of the day. Can we remember to pause? Throughout the hours of the day, whenever you feel stressed and overwhelmed, instead of pushing yourself to work harder and faster, remember to pause.