Dr. Christine Whelon, author of “Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women” and columnist with BustedHalo.com wrote an important column recently to address a reader, Susan, who had been dating a man struggling with depression. Following are some excerpts from the article, which you can get to by clicking here.

In my last column I shared a letter from Susan, a longtime reader of Pure Sex, Pure Love, who has been dating a man struggling with depression. “How do you deal with a partner who’s dealing with depression? Can you help–and if so, how?” I asked BustedHalo readers to weigh in on this email, and dozens of you responded. 

Nearly 60% of respondents said that, like Susan, they have been in a relationship with someone suffering from depression, and 75% of respondents said Susan should continue her relationship. Many offered first-hand advice. 

Elmo, 38, has experienced these symptoms first hand. His wife is manic-depressive and he says their relationship hasn’t always been easy. “Knowing the signs is key and encouraging therapy and meds is very important.” He recommends prayer groups and retreats as a couple, plus spiritual direction for both the person suffering from the illness and the spouse who is supporting them.

“Understanding how the brain works is very important and realizing that their withdrawal often has nothing to do with you,” Elmo continued, describing times in which he had to alert his wife to signs that the depression was imminent and that she should see her counselor.

His advice to Susan? Patience. “John is the only one who can help John. So she needs to realize that she cannot change the way his brain chemicals mix. If John is not willing to seek help, then she might consider a new relationship.”

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