This post doesn’t relate to me, of course. Because every time I have ended my therapy sessions, it seems like it’s time to restart. Maybe one day I will finally graduate….. God I hope so.
But I think this topic is important, because that transition is to awkward. And when do you know you’re ready to stop?
The end of the psychotherapy relationship is a difficult phase of therapy. Perhaps the second most difficult one, next to actually making the decision to try out psychotherapy in the first place and pour your heart out to a complete stranger (albeit a professional).
Therapists call the end of therapy “termination,” which doesn’t help in the “let’s give this a warm, fuzzy-feeling name to make it sound as least scary as possible” department. In everyday society, we typically “terminate” bugs or contracts, not relationships. But that’s psychology for you, always promoting psychobabble when simply calling it “ending therapy” would’ve sufficed.
Ending any relationship for most of us is not something that comes easily, or is second nature. In fact, ending a relationship may be one of the most difficult things we do in our lives. Many people simply don’t know how to handle the feelings accompanying the loss, and so it can be a very trying and stressful time even under the best of circumstances.
Most psychotherapy relationships end mutually, however, which makes them a little bit easier to handle. But not much. No matter what reason the relationship may be ending — the natural end of a course of therapy for a specific mental disorder, you or your therapist moving, a change in insurance coverage — here are some tips to make the transition easier for you.
1. Understand The Process.
While many therapists are good about explaining the termination process, some are not. Termination starts with a discussion about whether it might be a good time to end therapy. Although it’s usually begun by the therapist, sometimes clients will get the ball rolling too (especially if they feel like they’re no longer “getting anything” from therapy).
After the discussion, if both parties have agreed to end therapy, a date is chosen, usually many weeks out. In the sessions between the initial decision and the chosen end date, the therapist spends time discussing how the client is feeling about the end of psychotherapy. Goals of therapy are discussed, and the progress made on those goals. The therapist will also often review the techniques learned in therapy, and strategies to ensure the client can rely on those techniques and tools in the future without the therapist’s help. A final session ends the process.
2. Bring It Up Early.
Most experienced psychotherapists are trained to start the termination process early — far earlier than most clients are probably used to or even comfortable with. Some therapists may start talking about it as far out as 10 or 12 sessions from the end (especially for longer-term therapy). This is a good thing. It gives you time to get comfortable with the idea, and it gives your mind time to get anxious — anxiety that can then be dealt with in your continuing psychotherapy sessions.
3. Pick A Final Session Date.
This is connected to bringing it up early: Your therapist should work with you on picking the date of your last session. It’s best to choose this date together, to ensure it’s not too early (for you) or that it doesn’t interfere with some other commitment either one of you may not know about. Such a date also acts as a mutual goal the both of you will work toward in your remaining sessions.
4. Let It Out.
Ending a psychotherapy relationship is just as difficult as ending any relationship in your life. That means you’re likely going to experience mixed emotions about the end of your relationship with your therapist. That’s fine, but it’s even better if you find a way to express those feelings to your therapist. Sometimes the end of therapy brings up a new issue that hasn’t yet emerged in session. This gives you time to work on these things — if work is needed — while there’s still time.
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