Consider for a moment these statistics: According to the Americans for Divorce Reform, the divorce rate in this country will stay at somewhere between 40 to 50 percent of marriages if current trends continue. And Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology estimates that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, 67 percent of second marriages, and 74 percent of third marriages. BUT according to Steven Wickstrom and others, the divorce rate for a couple who actively prays together is less than one percent. I kid you not: less than one percent.

Why?

Maybe it goes back to Jesus’ words in Matthew 18:18-20:

Truly I say to you, whatever you shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is heaven. For where two or three have gathered together in My name, there I am in their midst.

Now comes the fun part … learning how to do this. I’m not a prayer expert. No, no, no. Not with this distracted mind. But I don’t think God cares about your getting it perfect together as a couple, so I’m going to throw out some small steps to get you on your way.

1. Fold your hands … together.

I know this sounds like a no-brainer, but think about how much our body language says about what’s going on inside our minds and hearts. I have a friend who specializes in perfecting peoples’ presentations. He explained to me recently that every time you talk to someone is a presentation. When you answer the phone, when you wave to your kid’s teacher, when you say something less than kind to the driver in front of you who just cut you off. All of those are presentations. So start here: fold your hands, both of you, at the same time.

2. Say thank you.

They say gratitude is the highest form of prayer. It’s also the one I forget. Because I’m too busy getting through my wish list … “And please God, let my mom’s MRI be negative, and help David on his spelling test, and help Katherine not to ever go out with a mean boy who could potentially break her heart.” But thank you is an appropriate starting point. So do this: thank God for everything good that happened in your day. Or pick three things. Then tell your spouse do the same. Or have him go first!

3. Light a candle.

Eric used to light a candle every night before we went to bed … back when Katherine was sleeping in her own room (please don’t tell the parenting experts). It really did foster intimacy between us. Something about fire brings you back to the beginning of the world … when God first said, “Let there be light.” And the cool thing about staring into a flame together is that you don’t have to say anything. All you have to do is be quiet and know God is there.

4. Whine if you want.

Married couples have a clear advantage over the single person praying because their request is heard twice. They get double credit for their intention! So be honest with God and tell him what’s bugging you. Whine if you want to. Tell him that you don’t appreciate the latest obstacle he overnighted to your house. It will be good for your marriage because it articulates your frustrations and problems, and affords both you and your spouse a forum in which to bring up and discuss the stuff that can ruin a marriage if it’s stuffed inside for too long.

5. Ask for guidance.

After you’ve had a nice whine, ask God together to lead both of you towards peace and fullness of life, as He promised in the Gospel of John: to have life and have it to abundance. Tell God you like that “abundance” part, that it sounds real good, and your willing to do a little work to get there. So some directions would be handy.