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Beyond Blue

I stayed relatively silent about my depression for two decades because I felt I had no right to complain. Two million children in Africa die a year from Malaria. That’s suffering. Mothers risk their lives to give birth in war-torn Iraq. That’s suffering. Women in Darfur risk rape for their freedom. That’s suffering. A rich,…

From my original blog, in case you missed it: I haven’t always been so candid about my depression and anxiety. A year ago, while in the eye of the storm, I bailed on delivering the keynote address to a large Catholic convention. My hands were trembling so badly that I was having difficulty getting a…

On “yes” moments, the Swedish diplomat Dag Hammarskjold wrote this in “Markings“: I don’t know Who–or what–put the question. I don’t know when it was put. I don’t even remember answering. But at some moment I did answer Yes to Someone–or Something–and from that hour I was certain that existence is meaningful and that, therefore,…

Our Christmas tree is now on the curb with the rest of the 33 million trees Americans bought this year (according to the National Christmas Tree Association). I’m feeling guilty of course (don’t all depressives?) for not being a better steward of the earth, but the evergreen is such a lovely and expressive symbol for…

Now that the Santas and stockings have disappeared to the North Pole along with the holly-jolly tunes and the Salvation Army bells, commercial-savvy marketers reach out in desperation for some holiday or other excuse to make us buy, buy, buy. And so out come the hearts heralding Cupid’s arrival on an arrow next month. A…

One of my all time favorite quotes is from Antoine de Saint-Exupery’s “The Little Prince“: “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

I’m always telling David and Katherine to use their words (instead of whining and screaming), but I’m often afraid to use them myself. Unlike Eric, who vocalizes a resentment before it’s had time to fester and start a family, I hate confrontation so much that I’ll befriend the resentment–dress it up, take it out on…

Speaking of using my words, I remember the first time after my big breakdown that I made a conscious effort to voice my frustration. I had just graduated from the hospital outpatient program with the lessons on effective communication fresh on my mind. The psychiatric counselors taught us that stress and anger stoke each other,…

I have a friend who refers to his other half as his “solar-powered wife.” This sunshine-dependent woman has learned (the hard way of course) that she is a “high-intensity light” human being, a living organism that functions best when exposed to high-quality (a.k.a. Floridian or Virgin-Islandian) direct sunlight for long periods of time. When plucked…

An epiphany can mean several things: an “Aha!” moment after relentless searching and study, the first time you see something (or someone) in its natural form, or the Christian feast commemorating the visit and adoration of the Christ Child by the three wise men. As a child, I imagined I was a Wise Girl (not…
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