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Beyond Blue

I think about Mary often this time of year. More than usual, which is a lot. Mary loves desperate people–the ones who have already tried Jesus and, for whatever reason, didn’t get results. That’s how my mom explained it when she told me that she was going to Mary with my depression. For a year…

I have prayed the Memorare every day since my mom (and others) told me to go to Mary with my depression. It’s clear from the words of this prayer that Mary hears all pleas, but especially those uttered in desperation: “Remember O Most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled…

I love how Anne Lamott describes her devotion to Mary in “Plan B“: “You’re not supposed to love Mary so much, if you’re not Catholic, but I do. I wear a picture of her inside a gold oval frame, on a thin gold chain. Her arms outstretched in blessing look as if she has pulled…

I almost blew it today. I almost told David there was no Santa Claus, or Tooth Fairy, or Easter Bunny. The practical, cynical, depressed side of my brain (the left) challenged the creative, optimistic, slightly manic side (the right) to a duel. For most of the afternoon, the left was winning. I asked myself, why…

Here’s the full text of “Yes, Virginia, There Is a Santa Claus,” which articulates for me why we have to believe, love, and hope even when our cynical and depressed brains don’t want to: “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that…

All the Christmas movies–from the classic “Miracle on 34th Street” to “The Year Without a Santa Claus” preach a common message: faith is about believing without seeing. In our family favorite, “Elf,” Santa’s sleigh, fueled by Christmas spirit, crashes into Central Park in New York City. In order to convince people to believe in Santa,…

Today is the winter solstice, which means Annapolis only gets 9 ½ hours of light between sunrise and sunset–and the night is longer than any other time of the year. If you think of the seasons as a ride on a Ferris wheel (which I do), this means that today I am at the very…

It’s probably no coincidence that I chose the poem “The Dark Night” composed by Carmelite mystic John of the Cross as the topic of my senior thesis back when I was a religious studies major in college. The poem is about a soul’s movement into contemplation and perfect union with God via spiritual purification. My…

Speaking of beautiful verses, I wept today, like I always do, when I heard my very favorite Christmas song, “O Holy Night.” The combination of its gorgeous lyrics and affective melody seep into the hardened parts of my heart in a way that only music can. I closed my eyes (only for a second since…

After I informed my college roommate and good friend that her goddaughter, my daughter, had been demoted from an angel to a star in the Christmas pageant, this is what she wrote back: “Please tell my goddaughter that a star is so important. I’m proud that she got that role (no demotion in my eyes).…
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