This time it was a motivational speaker who made me take a tumble from the straight path of my healthy living plan.  (Good thing for all of you that I am a real person with actual struggles on my journey instead of a naturally skinny person.  If I had no problems, I wouldn’t have any insights to share!)

This speaker was funny, interesting, and spoke the truth. So why did he make me mad?  Because he spoke on personalities.  Most of the time he described his dreadful daughter with the obnoxious personality.  Then he went on to describe his wonderful, sweet daughters who had pleasant personalities and added a word or two about the cold personality that needs practice being nice.

I was mad because I AM that difficult obnoxious daughter.  Not really, but I have the same temperament he described.  The one that comes off as bossy.  The natural fighter.  The one who wants to be in charge.

It seems I spend all my time trying to manage my troublesome personality so as not to offend people.  Suddenly, I had enough.

“Why do I have to be someone different than I am?  What would it be like if I could just be ME and be okay?”  That led to a second rebellious thought.  “I am sick of trying to force my body into being something it doesn’t want to be.  I’m tired of eating this apple while my naturally thin husband eats a wonderful-looking Danish.  Phooey.”

So in a spirit of rebellion, I bought a cheese Danish and scarfed it down before my conscience kicked in.  Any doubt that I have that domineering, rebellious personality should be quelled by now!  Sugar is addictive, and that Danish was just like a beer would be for an alcoholic.  Maybe one wouldn’t matter, but addicts don’t stop at one.  It has taken me days to get myself back under control.

The turning point came when I was looking around for a book to read in the 20 minutes I had to kill.  I picked up one called “Radical” by David Platt, off Paul’s desk.  It took only a few pages to convict me and get me back on the right thinking track.

Platt points out that Jesus didn’t make discipleship sound alluring so big crowds would follow Him.  He said, “Give up everything.”  He said, “Leave your family behind.”  He said, “Prepare to be homeless.”  Those aren’t words that mega-church builders would use. And it isn’t what feel-good theologians say, either.  Instead of focusing on “You are fine and I love you like you are,” Jesus said, “Take up your cross daily and follow Me.”

Yes, I have to give up who I am.  Yes, I have to deny myself.  Not to win a popularity contest or to be gorgeous, but to follow Jesus and be His disciple. It isn’t about me and my way.  It’s about surrender.  A happy surrender.  As Platt says in his book, “For when we abandon the trinkets of this world and respond to the radical invitation of Jesus, we experience the infinite treasure of knowing and experiencing Him.”

And that is really why I need to get my personality as well as my eating habits under control. Life — real life — is about serving Him.  That is the source of true joy, not throwing a fit to get my way and eating pastries.  I may not be called upon to leave my home and sell my belongings — but I AM called to put all I am and have at the disposal of my Master.  And what a small price compared to knowing Him!

So now I am happily back on the path — and already feeling better. I always forget how lack of exercise and eating sugary stuff makes me feel lethargic and depressed.  And how much happier I am focused on Him, instead of me!

Eating to live and living for Christ,

Susan Jordan Brown