The following are comments by men and women over 50 on their creeping decrepitude. As my English Prof at Carolina once said— ‘there are days after 40 when you realize your body is your mortal enemy.’

The nice thing about growing senility is you can hide your own Easter eggs, and you can also pray the senility prayer—

‘Lord grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.’

‘My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be. Also my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.’

‘Don’t let aging get you down. It’s too hard to get up again.’

‘Don’t think of it as hot flashes, think of it as your inner child playing with matches.’

‘Its scary when your stomnach starts making the same noises as your coffee maker.’

‘The elderly widow was approached by the undertaker with the question: ‘How old was your husband when he died?’ She replied ‘He was 98, two years older than me.’ She then paused and added :’ Its hardly worth my going home now is it?’

The elderly gentleman said— ‘I have had bypass surgery, am largely deaf, and have both prostate issues and old age diabetes, and take about 40 different medicines that give me dizzy spells, but thank God I still have my driver’s license!’

‘These days about half the stuff in my grocery cart says ‘For fast relief.’

An elderly widower asked the preacher to arrange to have him be cremated when he died, and have his ashes scattered over Walmart. When the preacher asked why the reply was ‘This way I know my offspring will visit me twice a week.’

A news reporter interviewed an 104 year old lady about what was the best thing about being 104. Her reply was ‘There’s no peer pressure.’