I was listening to the radio on my way to one of my many jobs; this one working with folks in recovery from addictions. A song blasted on through my reverie as I was contemplating all of the tasks before me today. Rounding a curve on rural Route 152, in beautiful Bucks County, PA,  I heard  powerful and resonant words that I might as well have written.

“I tried carrying the weight of the world

But I only have two hands”

For as long as I can remember, I took it upon myself to fix, heal, cure or otherwise kiss boo boos and make them all better. As a child, I found ways to cheer people up and as an adult, have built my career around caregiving. All of those ‘alphabet soup letters’  before after my name point to that as a focus.  In my personal relationships, I have been a raving co-dependent, often not certain where I left off and they began and feeling like a failure if someone repeatedly fell and I couldn’t keep them sane and vertical.

When I began to realize that caregiving is optional and only by request, and not just because I have the skills to do it, the load started to lighten. Do I still offer help before I am beckoned?  Yes. Am I miffed if someone declines my guidance? Not any more. I have come to understand that the only person I truly have answers for is myself and sometimes I wonder about that. People ask to pick my brain (what’s left of it by the end of the day), quite often and I answer as I am able and if I don’t know, I research. It’s the Cosmic Concierge in me who has a huge file of resources. All I can do is deliver information, rather than  being overly concerned with whether or how they follow up. I used to live by the motto, “Everything I ever let go of had claw marks on it,” as if I was somehow responsible for what anyone did with the information I provided. Surrender and trust have become new watchwords.

I have also learned that time passes and I will always get older, but wisdom is what I choose to acquire by learning the lessons in that transition from youth to age.

“Wake Me Up”

Feeling my way through the darkness
Guided by a beating heart
I can’t tell where the journey will end
But I know where to start
They tell me I’m too young to understand
They say I’m caught up in a dream
Life will pass me by if I don’t open up my eyes
Well that’s fine by me

So wake me up when it’s all over
When I’m wiser and I’m older
All this time I was finding myself
And I didn’t know I was lost
[x2]

I tried carrying the weight of the world
But I only have two hands
I hope I get the chance to travel the world
But I don’t have any plans
Wish that I could stay forever this young
Not afraid to close my eyes
Life’s a game made for everyone
And love is the prize

So wake me up when it’s all over
When I’m wiser and I’m older
All this time I was finding myself
And I didn’t know I was lost
[x2]

I didn’t know I was lost
I didn’t know I was lost
I didn’t know I was lost
I didn’t know I was lost

http://youtu.be/-Uk2O5Gxd6g Wake Me Up by Avicii ft. Aloe Blacc