One of my favorite times to muse about life is while working out. Today at cardiac rehab, I was on the recumbent bicycle, sweating up a storm and was contemplating my relationships; those from my past, those currently and those (particularly one) in my future. When I think about the connections I have with folks, for the most part, we have similar values and understanding of the world. We don’t always see eye to eye, but we learn from and love each other.

So many people seem to want partners to  fill in the gaps of what they think they lack. It reminds me of the line from the film Jerry Maguire that makes me want to hurl “You complete me.”  We are not incomplete people; unlike the feeling exuded by the line drawing character in Shel Silverstein’s classic The Missing Piece.  I’ve heard it said many times that if we want certain qualities in partners and friends, then we first need to embody those as well.

If I want someone honest, in integrity, loyal, loving, patient, open minded and open hearted,  kind and reliable; then guess what?  I  can’t expect someone to show up that way  if that isn’t the energy I am putting out. If I behave in dishonest, mean, aggressive, shut down, impatient, belligerent ways, it would be unreasonable to think I could call in someone willing to put up with that; although, as a therapist, I have indeed seen examples of those types of pairings. I believe that like attracts like, more than the old saw that opposites attract. If I desire a partner who cleans up after himself literally and symbolically, then I can’t be an emotional or physical slob. If I welcome a health conscious partner, then I better oughta get my tush in gear each day.  If I put out there into the Universe that I am attracting a fiscally responsible man, then I can’t be frivolous with my money. And until he shows up, I will enjoy the benefits of living in that way.