Yesterday was brought to me by the letter ‘S’ for surrender. At cardiac rehab in the morning, I blasted out a whole bunch of energy on the elliptical and treadmill, so that by the time I got to the recumbent bicycle, I was majorly winded and needed to slow down my pace and couldn’t finish the 17 minutes I had worked my way up to in the past few days. Initially I felt disappointed, but the kind and supportive therapists reminded me that it is a process. I know, a marathon, not a sprint, as is all of life.
Learning to be kinder to myself and listen to my internal messages. As it turns out, I was reading a back copy of Yoga Journal and what was the topic of the article that I turned to? Control and lack thereof. As much as I don’t like to admit it, I can be a bit of a control freak and want things my way. Do you know anyone who doesn’t also possess those qualities?
Then I had an appointment with my dear friend and chiro, Sandy Epstein Levenson to work on some tingling in my left hand and leg. Turns out that I have been sitting weirdly and throwing my posture off, when I am at the computer throughout the day, which is putting pressure on nerves. She suggested alternating standing and sitting as I type and investing in a treadmill desk. Looking into that. Also noticing swelling in lymph nodes near my left clavicle…gotta get that checked out too.Had some much needed time with my 4 year old little Buddha-grandson Collin and we read and played Three Little Pigs (under blanket:), sometimes he was the Big Bad Wolf and sometimes I was and sometimes my Adam played that role as we alternately huffed and puffed away. The hour that I spent with him was pure fun and good medicine.Last night, I had a wedding to officiate and left in plenty of time (2 hours prior to the time I needed to be there) and the Universe saw fit to put soooo many cars ahead of me on the Schuykill Expressway heading into Philadelphia which typically is backed up anyway at that time. I found myself alternately carrying on and using words that are not in my spiritual vocabulary, breathing and asking to clear the way and demanding to know the purpose and then asking for some angelic support. Who should call, but my supremely spiritually connected friend Cass Forkin who reminded me that all was well. When I asked God what this was about; the benevolent answer was to remind me that I’m not in control and need to ‘leave the driving to Him/Her’. Cass was right, of course. My intention ALWAYS is to be reliable and follow through on my agreements AND sometimes I need to invoke the Serenity prayer, remembering to discern the difference between what I can and can’t control.
I kept the bride’s family informed about my ETA which kept getting later as I hit every traffic light and then went through a street fair; finally arriving, shifting gears to calm clergical mode and the ceremony went off without a hitch. The couple was lovely and both of them cried. Everyone understood and smiled when I started the ceremony reminding them that the best laid plans…..and that love was worth waiting for.
This morning, I awoke from a dream in which a large coiled snake kept showing up and finally was stomped on by a man from Australia. I have had snake dreams before and when in dialog with the critter, it has always told me that it is about shedding yet more layers. Still fearful that it will chomp on me, so I have wanted it gone. I laughed when I communed with the Australian dude, since he reminded me that he was from ‘the land down under’- which is where dreams seem to come from. No, not Australia, but from the unconscious. I have had heart palpitations over what my future holds, since so many unexpected health challenges have arisen in the midst of marvels and wonders.
I guess I need to remember that surrender isn’t about giving up, but giving over.
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