I saw a post on Facebook this morning: “If someone shows you their true colors, don’t try to repaint them.”

This lesson has long been with me. It has been at the core of many co-dependent and dysfunctional relationships/friendships throughout my life. When people have crossed paths with me, sometimes there is a ‘halo’ effect. I would see them as being a reflection of only the glowing aspects of what they were about and not the shadow side or even how we may have had different lifestyle choices…not good or bad, simply different.

For example, if they were of an overtly dazzlingly spiritual, knock my socks off and make my heart swoon nature and seemed to be in alignment with my own practices (meditation, prayer, yoga, nature, drumming, dancing), then I would think it would spill over into every other aspect of who they were. Not always so. We are all multi-faceted beings with woundings and wonder that impact on our interactions with each other. Lately I have been contemplating this concept as it has been more than a year since I have been face to face with a friend who had been a staple in my life for more than a decade. Although I miss our contacts, I have had to seriously consider the ways in which I was attempting to repaint this person with my own brush and hues. A wish for him to be what I wanted rather than the reality of his own life path. What prompted the physical distancing was a pivotal ‘full circle’ event. I don’t regret it, but I do wish there had been a more graceful transition. Even so, I send a symbolic paint box filled with rainbows for him to choose to create his own masterpiece.

I was speaking with someone last night about reasons to be in relationship. She said something really wise- that when we enter into one, it ‘should’ be with the idea of supporting our partner in being all they want to be. I added that too often, people do it with the idea of molding that person into who WE want them to be and she volleyed back with the thought that we sometimes put them in a role that we ourselves want to be in which could look like living vicariously through them if we are afraid of living our own dreams.

Why wouldn’t we want someone (friend or partner) to grow their wings and be all they are capable of being, except for fear that they will move on?  I can think of many times the wings have been mine and I have needed to fly away. My hope was that these people who were still standing on the ground could applaud my flight and their own as a result.

Let your own true colors shine on through~