Most Sundays find me at Circle of Miracles, which is an interfaith spiritual community created 19 years ago by Rev. Hannelore Goodwin. It is where I, and many who attend the ecumenical services, find family of choice, inspiration, community and healing. The room is a warm and welcoming place where Doug who has gladly taken on the role of greeter, opens the door and his arms for hugs shared with anyone who is willing. One of the highlights of my week are ‘Doug-hugs’ that remain with me long afterward.

The service has a regular flow that includes reading what is called the Declaration, in which we literally declare what it is so, that we are ‘free spiritual beings’ who choose how we live this life. Although I have said this prayer a gazillion times since I first started attending in 2001, this line jumped out at me yesterday.

“Freedom is letting go of my judgments and allowing others to effect their own destinies.”

Like most people, I have hot buttons, pet peeves, judgments and ‘if I ran the world’ thoughts. They sometimes spill over into verbal expression, and often in written form; couched, as best I can, in tactful, diplomatic ways.  Mostly they remain in my brain and may never find their way into the light of day. When I do share them, it is with the intent to find win-win solutions, help people through their struggles, assist in having a ‘shift in perception’ which is one of my favorite definition of a miracle per A Course in Miracles. But…what if what their soul needs is to muddle through without my intervention? Who decided that I was granted the right to say anything unless my answers were solicited?  And they really are just my answers which may or may not be a fit for the other person.  I am learning to refrain from practicing ‘savior behavior’ for the sake of my own health and sanity.

Another ‘but’ coming up here…since on a spiritual level, we are all ONE, what I do impacts on you and what you do impacts on me. Do I have the right to have my unhealed places, my stresses and messes spill over into your life? If I am not aware that I am stepping on your toes and you call out “YOUCH, that hurts!”, you are alerting me to the fact that what I am doing, is having a negative effect on your wellbeing. Now that I know and if I keep on doing it, then I am deliberately causing pain. NOTHING gives me the right to continue to do that….no history of abuse, no illness, no addiction, no anger nor desire for revenge, no sense of entitlement would warrant conscious continuation of pain hurled at you. And yet….people do it everyday and justify it, because of their own feelings and beliefs.

One only need to follow the media frenzy lately about the multiple allegations of abuse by a well known Canadian talk show host who got canned when his accusers stepped forward, as well as actions purported to have been committed by a beloved comedian and actor who is remaining silent about the charges in the ‘court of public opinion’ that he is facing. Did these men not think their behaviors would have a detrimental impact on the women who are now coming out of their closet of fear and shame and speaking out? If they did know, clearly they didn’t care.

Does allowing others to effect their own destinies preclude conscience?  I don’t think so.  Sometimes conscience whispers in a still, small voice; more often, it is a loud roar that blows back our hair and knocks us on our butts. Listen to it before it gets to that point.