One of my favorite wise woman poets is Mary Oliver whose words touch my heart in ways that few others can; as if they could have come through me as well; so personal they are. Today, while visiting my former place of employment, one of my co-workers pulled out an anthology consisting of the works of various wordsmiths. He opened to a particular page and said that this one was for me. I have read it many times over the years, but today it rang with a loud and true clarion call that shook me to my core.

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice —
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do —
determined to save
the only life you could save.”
― Mary Oliver

After Ted read it to me, I thought about all the times I spent majorly over-extending myself, because I thought I had to. I contemplated how I invested more into my clients’ recovery than they did,  like I had last New Years Day when I told them that if they cared enough about their sobriety to show up for group, I would be there for them. and when I arrived, I discovered that two out of  seven were there. How I worked for free, for ‘exposure’, rather than either getting compensated or turning down speaking gigs, out of fear that they wouldn’t bring me on board otherwise.  I recall how several years ago, a coach I was working with advised me to “Ask for what your services are worth, without stuttering.”  I do that now and most of the time, I receive it. It is about valuing myself, rather than allowing someone else to place a value on me. We teach people how to treat us. What we accept, we reinforce. Making these choices has literally saved my life. Thank you, Mary, for that reminder and thank you, Ted for the gift you shared today.