Sometimes good rules for life show up as social media memes and this one that popped up recently has a few simple guidelines. Not sure of the source, or I would be glad to give the person credit.

It was entitled Spiritual Journey

1-Follow your own path.

2- Let your heart lead.

3-Try not to step in anything.

Although the first three are expected for spiritual seekers, the third made me laugh, since it is so easy to inadvertently step in ‘stuff’; whether it is our own or someone else’s. In the cases when it has occurred in my life, mostly unintentionally, I have either shaken it off, wiped it off, or used it as fertilizer. One of my biggest challenges over the years, has been fear of stepping on toes, rocking the boat, being an inconvenience or being ‘high maintenance.’  My desire to be low maintenance evolved from the experience of childhood asthma, from which I extrapolated the idea that being ill was burdensome to my parents. They would not have said so, but I somehow internalized it and it stuck. Only in recent years, have I come to terms with that misperception, even as I endeavor to make things easier for others. I am learning now to make them easier for myself. Quite a revelation and revolution.

As an avid Facebook user, I read posts that push my buttons and shake my tree. Usually, they involve fundamentalist political or spiritual beliefs that say ‘This is the one and only way to live.”  In the past, I would have jumped into the fray and stated my opinion, even knowing that I don’t have the monopoly on The Truth. The pushback was predictable and I would find little satisfaction from it and then wondered why in the name of all that was sane, that I would even go there in the first place. How silly was I? Now, I read with interest and a bit more detachment to outcome and ask myself the purpose of responding. Is it because I want to change that person’s mind?  Usually. Is it because I want to stir things up?  Usually not. I don’t have the energy to waste in that arena. No trolls here.

There are times when I want to offer unsolicited advice, seeing in advance that someone else might be heading to a massive pile of potential fertilizer, themselves. That usually doesn’t go over well. Call it an occupational hazard, since I have been a therapist for more than 30 years. Now, when I am tempted, I ask first, “Do you want to hear my perspective?”  I preface it with the idea that I am my own best expert and so are they. If they give me the green light, I still proceed with caution.

Boundary crossing comes into play in the aforementioned paragraph. With those I know well, like my son, I have offered my ‘sage wisdom,’ forgetting that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and he has his own unique insights into life that could serve me too, as  I am more open to hearing them. I need to allow learning to come from natural causes and not attempt to exercise ‘savior behavior’ when he is capable to taking care of himself.

What kinds of things have you gotten yourself into that perhaps you felt you would have better off avoiding?  There is an apropos corollary to the saying attributed to Winston Churchill “If you’re going  through hell, keep going.”