Writing this from my cozy bed, after an ordeal in the wee hours of this morning, that could have been prevented by listening to my wise mind, instead of my “I want that yummy and decadent treat, because it has my drug of choice- chocolate in it,” voice.

Repeat after me, Edie …. no more cheesecake. Had a wonderful dinner with my son Adam and his lovely girlfriend Lauren last night. We laughed about all kinds of goofy things. They were wiped from playing soccer, which is one of their shared passions. I listened with delight as they talked about travel they were considering and Adam’s upcoming 28th birthday. Hard to imagine that this once towheaded little guy is now a linebacker sized man whose 6 foot frame towers over his 5’4″ mother.

I ate half of my entrée and packed the rest to take home. Good decision. Then the owner of the restaurant treated us to a piece of chocolate layered cheesecake for the three of us to split. Although my body knew better, I indulged in something I hadn’t had in years. Bad decision. The last time, the same thing happened, back in 2008 or so,  I had what resembled food poisoning symptoms. Guess what happened long about 3:00 this morning? Fortunately the potty is within a few steps from my bed, but the floor wasn’t the most comfortable place to huddle when my GI system decided to rebel. I kept asking myself, “Will you remember how sucky you feel the next time something you know isn’t healthy for you, waves itself in front of you? Will you be able to resist?” Ironically, it is the same kind of query I would pose to clients who were being treated for drug addiction. Sometimes they would say that at the time, all they want is their fix. Food is no different. It has the power that we allow it.

What has us making choices that we clearly know is not in our best interest, whether it is a food, a substance or a relationship? The erroneous belief that it will make us happy in some way. At the moment, I wanted the luscious dessert more than I wanted to refrain. Perhaps it was amnesia that had me forgetting what happened before. Maybe it was denial. What I do know is that I have learned my lesson. I am paying the price for it this morning.

There is a quote attributed to Albert Einstein, that likely came instead, from author Rita Mae Brown that goes like this: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” One of my former clients; who was there for treating heroin abuse, in an outpatient addictions program where I worked rephrased it thusly: “Insanity is knowing EXACTLY what the outcome will be, and still I do it.”

Bleary and kind of drained this morning in more ways than one. Breakfast is peppermint tea. No such thing as TMI between friends, huh?

A little twisted and bizarre humor to laugh at my situation.