A few days ago, I experienced a past life regression via my friend Lorraine Cohen who skillfully guided me through the process of untangling some threads of an issue that had shown up recently. It was prompted by something that had occurred the week prior. I had gotten back into the pool to continue and vary my workouts. Having been a competitive swimmer, lifeguard, instructor and coach throughout my childhood and into my young adulthood, it had been a natural venue for me to improve my wellness. I donned my suit, dove into the pool at the gym where I do several time a week workouts and began charging down the lane. The familiar smell of chlorine filled my nostrils and the expanding and contracting of my lungs kicked in as my arms and legs churned the water. In very short order, I realized that the 56 year old body couldn’t do what the twenty-something body used to be able to do. I needed to do one lap at a time at a much more leisurely pace.  At some point, I swallowed water, choked and sputtered. Natural reaction. What felt unaccustomed was a feeling of panic, as if I was going to drown. Logic kicked in as I reminded myself that I still knew how to swim, that I was not that far from the edge of the pool and that there were two lifeguards right there. I then got the sense that it connected with a previous incarnation and that perhaps I had drowned in a former lifetime.

That was why I found myself in a comfy chair, eyes closed, deeply and easily breathing as Lorraine led me seamlessly into a period of time in which another version of myself had lived.  First, she asked me to sense nearby, the presence of a guardian angel. The name that came to mind immediately was Evalina. I knew no one by that name and was curious as to its meaning.

A form of the name Evelyn, it means Life

‘People with this name have a deep inner need for quiet, and a desire to understand and analyze the world they live in, and to learn the deeper truths.

People with this name tend to initiate events, to be leaders rather than followers, with powerful personalities. They tend to be focused on specific goals, experience a wealth of creative new ideas, and have the ability to implement these ideas with efficiency and determination. They tend to be courageous and sometimes aggressive. As unique, creative individuals, they tend to resent authority, and are sometimes stubborn, proud, and impatient.”

Hmmm…. some of this is spot on. I would need an angel with these qualities to assist this creative soul and enhance my life force energy.

As the regression continued, I found myself in the year 1832, as a 12 year old girl caring for her ailing grandfather. They lived in a thatch-roofed cottage outside a small village somewhere in Europe.  Lorraine sensed it was in Ireland which didn’t surprise me since I feel a connection with the country and culture. He had experienced a heart attack and the town doctor confined him to his home so he could recuperate. The girl’s parents and grandmother had died and these two were all each of them had. A loving bond existed between them, but she had to take on adult responsibility at an early age. She also had no formal education. As his condition took a turn for the worse, she feared his death. She described to Lorraine that “When he breathed, I breathed. When he stopped breathing, I stopped breathing.” Often, she would lay her head on his chest and listen for his heart beat. One day, both ceased and she lost her grandfather. Eyes drenched in tears, she went into town to find the doctor who came back with her and pronounced him dead. He then took her to his home and, along with his wife, raised her as his own. His daughter became her sister. She had a pleasant life and was sent to school and taught to read write. Her sister could sing and play the piano, but she admitted that she never learned to play, because “I had fumbly fingers.” She chose teaching as her career. She met and married a man who was a merchant who would sometimes travel abroad, leaving her to care for their three children- two boys and a girl who were, in her words “a handful.” Theirs was a loving marriage. As she was nearing the end of her life at age 82, she was surrounded by her husband, children and grandchildren. At the moment of her passing, she could see her grandfather, grandmother, parents and her adoptive family awaiting her. She began to cry as she told those who were bidding her farewell that “It’s so beautiful. If only you knew, you wouldn’t fear. You wouldn’t grieve so.”

Although this aspect of me didn’t literally drown, she did experience a sense of dying when her grandfather was dying. That part of me survived his death, as I did those of people close to me in this current lifetime,  as well as facing my own potential exit from this life last year.

At the end of the experience, Lorraine reminded me that this version of myself needed to lose her grandfather to have the kind of life she had. It so resonated as truth, since the life I live now was precipitated by the deaths of my husband and parents, over the past 16 years, as well the heart attack nearly a year ago. If not for these losses and challenges, I would not be writing these words. I know it is one of the hardest truths to accept, since to the bereaved human being, it sometimes feels like the pain will never cease and the tears will not dry. They both do.