This morning, I woke up, grateful to have woken up. Nothing new, since I do that each day. Today has a different feel to it for many reasons. The first is that it is my one year cardio-versary, what I think of as my second birthday. At around 10 a.m. last June 12, I was on my way home from the gym, when a series of bio-psycho tumblers fell into place. A cascade of emotion and sensation. Jaw pain, heart burn searing and waterfall sweats. An hour later, I had a new body part propping open a blocked artery and a new lease on life. Glad I signed it. What a difference a year makes. I look back on the choices and changes I have made since then. Nutrition and fitness goals were the easiest. Tougher was the attitudinal shifts that needed to take place. Dropping the mantle of ‘all things to all people,’ and exhibiting ‘savior behavior’ were necessary for me to keep on keepin’ on. I have let go of the façade that I was unstoppable and that sleep was expendable. I got off the virtual treadmill and stepped on the literal one at the gym. It is among my favorite pieces of equipment there.

My plan for the day is to don the purple and red shirt designed by my friend Greg Campisi and head over to the cardiac rehab departments at Doylestown Health and Cornerstone gym to thank them for being my cheerleaders. I couldn’t have gotten this far without their words of encouragement.

Tonight, with a group of friends, I will be taking to the streets of Doylestown, PA with FREE Hugs signs, open arms and open heart. It is the third such event I have done in the past few years and spreading the love is one of my favorite things to do. This time, the meaning goes even deeper and the joy even higher.

As I contemplate this experience, I carry with me a sense of sadness, as yesterday, my world shifted in the passing of a dear friend and teacher named Hannelore Goodwin. She was beloved by her family and family of choice. Hannelore was the founding minister of my spiritual community called Circle of Miracles and a petite powerhouse who touched so many lives. The ripple effect is immeasurable,when I consider how many people have come through the doors to her welcoming smile and how many she trained in Reiki – she was my Reiki Master, how many she ordained as interfaith ministers. She had been on hospice for a few weeks, and although her death was expected, there is never true preparation that can be done. Tears of gratitude and sadness. I will miss her standing in front of the room, beaming brightly. Instead, I will look in and look up and see her there.

A week ago, another close friend said goodbye to her sweetheart. John Roberts and Yvonne Kaye were indeed soul mates who entered each others’ lives more than a quarter century ago. He was the light of her life and she, his. Although I didn’t know him prior to the illness that eventually closed his eyes, she would regale me with stories about his humor and heart. The few times I was in his presence, it was easy to see how much love there was in the room. The last time was a bit more than a week ago, as he lay in his hospital bed in their living room that was filled with mementos from their vacations, photos of family members, a few cats hanging out, awaiting food and affection. He faded in and out of alertness, med and fatigue induced. Smiling, introducing himself to me, as I reminded him that we had indeed met. His white mane of hair, belied his age and vivid blue eyes gazed adoringly at Yvonne as they spoke. A love like that lasts long beyond the final breath.

As a therapist who has worked with folks facing death, either for themselves or loved ones and as a deeply spiritual person, I am certain that death is not the end. I believe that the Spirit which animates us, continues. AND YET, the human aspect misses the person’s physical presence. Confused, kind of like Yvonne’s cats, looking for John, we ask “Where did they go?”

All I can do, is appreciate those in my life, since we are all on loan to each other.