I have wise friends. Two of them started a thread on Facebook  that was a writing prompt which lead to this article:

Loreen posed this prose: “Too much time planning this life when eternity waits. Hmnn, I think our perspective is short sighted. I don’t want to leave any injured souls behind. My mission will be accomplished if my relationships are healthy with my circle of influence. I’m letting go of my plans to allow for the more important things in life to be sifted.”

Chris chimed in with his think link: ” I wrote a song a long time ago named ‘ship of fools’ before I heard the Doors version. The main lyric was “wasting time on a ship of fools”. My point being… You better jump off that boat and enjoy your own journey before it leads you to nowhere.”

My response was: “Beautiful perspective from both of you. I plant seeds and then do my best to surrender outcome. The control freak in me still wants to hold on and steer the ship. I have learned to jump ship when the crew and passengers get a bit too bonkers for me. The challenge at times is being able to keep my head above water when the tide rises.”

And Loreen volleyed back: “Oh yes, Bonkerville. It’s an exhausting place. Edie, quick get me on my paddle board.”

Not sure how I developed the tendency to think I could control anyone else’s choices and beliefs. They are all shaped by people’s previous experiences and their interpretation of same. As a therapist, I have worked with clients who remain on a sinking ship, because they never learned to ‘swim,’ perhaps thinking they need to go down with the ship, or who endure sea sickness, because they forgot to take their metaphorical Dramamine. In my personal life, I have done my best to refrain from joining them. Not always successful, I am at least learning when to set boundaries with people who want me to join them in their emotional nausea. I don’t want to have to clean up puke. I also refuse any longer to be the one rowing, when there are others equally capable of doing so.

It is also challenging to witness people I know awash in tidal waves created by other people’s drama. They want to be helpful and find themselves going under as a result. When I was trained as a lifeguard, we were taught a counterintuitive rule. We were to let the person ‘go under’ before we went in after them. If we attempted to rescue them when they were struggling, we could easily be pulled down with them. You can hold out a hand, a hook, or a life preserver and if another is not willing to take it, sacrificing yourself is not going to save them. It is quite exhausting to continually practice this type of ‘savior behavior.’ I would much rather set sail with flags unfurled, to exotic and gorgeous locales on a seaworthy boat, surrounded by crew and passengers that are enjoying the ride and taking equal responsibility for the upkeep and float of the boat.

I appreciate this type of friend-ship.