I’ve heard it said many times that love brings up anything unlike it self for the purpose of healing and release.  I also say that love is like a laxative, since is stirs up a lot of sh*t. The first time those words landed in my brain was back in my 20’s when I was involved with the Rebirthing community and had taken the LRT -Loving Relationships Training. It was quite a revelation for this young woman who only saw light and shied away from anything remotely shadowy. I was grateful to have grown up in a family in which love ruled supreme. Not overt addictions, traumas and dramas, unlike many I have encountered over the years. As I look at those who are part of my life now, many are survivors of those dynamics. I seem to attract resilient thrivers who have risen above the pain and don’t allow the darkness to engulf them for long. I have witnessed them struggle at times with their demons and dance with them at others. I have marveled at the remarkable courage it has taken for them to elevate themselves out of the muck and mire.

One of the pitfalls of being in multiple roles in my life as therapist, family and friend to folks who emerged from the shadow realms is that I have tended to minimize mine. Who me, angry, sad, scared, lonely?  Because I was born into this human existence, I too have experienced loss and pain. I have buried those emotions under layers of justification that because I have solid supports and resources that I ‘should’ be able to deal with them. The illusion that if I minimize their impact on my life, I will somehow dis-empower them. The opposite seems to be true. What we resist, persists. Imagine a beach ball that you attempt to hold under water. How long can you keep it submerged until your arms get tired? When you release it, it pops back up.

I have been experiencing a flood of emotions lately as I am immersed in love soup every day. Finally allowing myself to be fully human with messy feelings that I have squelched in the service of making things ‘look good’ and that I ‘have it all together.’ This came up yesterday in a workshop I was in. What if I could be authentic and just friggin’ acknowledge the spectrum of it all? What if I could simply allow? What if? Tears and laughter abound in my life. I am far more at ease with the latter, rather than the former. It is when I am willing to be nakedly open and vulnerable in sharing those aspects of myself that I too rise above the water line.