“It seems to me we can never give up longing and wishing while we are still alive. There are certain things we feel to be beautiful and good, and we must hunger for them.” -George Eliot

What do you long for, deeply desire, crave?  It might be a relationship or career path. It could be reflective of peace of mind or healing of body. It may be a more profound spiritual experience. I have discovered for myself that any sense of longing I have takes me to a direct feeling of Home. Not the structure in which I live, but, rather, the welcoming embrace of the Divine. The best way I can describe it, is that warm all over sensation, that goose bump, butterflies in the stomach, soundly resonating YES! that bursts forth. Sometimes it is a wordless knowing. A certainty that I am on the right track. When I pay attention to that beckoning with crooked, come-hither index finger motioning me, I am gratified with greater outcome than I could ever have imagined.  People and opportunities show up by Divine Design. It is not always a steady-on journey. Meandering roads take me into the realm of spiritual amnesia where I am a crossroads and am uncertain which way to turn.

My friend Phyllis posted this meme a few days ago and it spoke to me as an invitation to take note of what I long for. One of my deepest heart’s desires is for true partnership. Although I have had many romantic relationships throughout my adolescence and adulthood, there was an element that was missing. Yes, we enjoyed each other’s company. Yes, we experienced love and pleasure. Yes, we stretched and grew together. Yes, I had adventures that I would not have, had we not encountered each other. I hold each one with a sense of fondness, tenderness and love. Some remain in my life as treasured friends. Even those who brought more lessons than I bargained for, came into my life for a reason and I honor that. I wish them well from a distance, since having some of them in my immediate circles now, feels unhealthy.

Partnership would take it to the next level. I think of people who fit into this category, as ‘transformational power couples,’ whose work together helps to heal the world. They are writers and speakers, teachers and healers, leaders and organizers of events, entreprenuers and philanthropists. The love they experience with each other, splashes over onto everyone they encounter. A sense of the miraculous surrounds them. When I am in their presence, I come away with a feeling of having been tapped on the head with a magic wand. The infamous line from When Harry Met Sally comes to mind, “I’ll have what she’s having.” I had pieces of that dynamic in my nearly 12 year marriage that ended when my husband died in 1998. We published a magazine for 10 years (1988-1998) called Visions in which we featured articles on wellness, spirituality, the environment, as well as peace and social justice. It opened the door to my journalistic career as I interviewed notables in all of those fields. If not for our relationship, I would likely not be writing these words at this moment. A longing to communiciate, fulfilled. The marriage itself was not as fulfilling as either of us wanted it to be. Because of baggage and history, as well as sometimes ill advised choices we made, it was what I refer to as ‘paradoxical’. Wishing he could have been kinder and more patient and I could have been more assertive and decisive.  Water under the bridge. No more shoulda woulda coulda thinking. It doesn’t serve.

Still curious about the ‘wheres and whens’ of this person’s arrival. Out there somewhere, living life one moment at a time, as I am, perhaps wondering where I am. Mutual longing? Neither of us leaving them unattended.  Trusting that they will magnetize us to each other.